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Lost I Miss Ye: Deaths Editions

August 8th, 2007 § 0

RIP: Dr. Christian Shephard
Cause of Death: Bender
Thanks for: Teaching Jack it’s okay for a man to cry. And cry. And cry.
We’ll never forget: You – because you’re probably half the Losties’ daddy

RIP: Ethan Rom
Cause of Death: Charlie + Gun
We’ll never forget: You being the creepiest mofo in all of Season 1
Thanks for: Letting Claire go. Oh wait, that wasn’t on purpose?

RIP: Wayne
Cause of Death: Kate done blew you up
Thanks for: Being such a huge dickhead, without you, Kate would have never been on the run

RIP: Marshal Edward Mars
Cause of Death: Shrapnel, Gunshot to the lungs
Thanks for: Being weirdly obsessed with Kate’s case. It wasn’t like she was a serial killer or something, sheesh.
We’ll never forget: DON’T…TRUST…HER.

RIP: Leslie Arzt
Cause of Death: TNT, it’s dyn-o-mite
We’ll never forget: Your miserable attitude, the way you stared at Nikki’s boobs
Thanks for: The awesome line, “Dude, you’ve got some Arzt on you.”

RIP: Tom
Cause of Death: Cops + Guns
Thanks for: Giving Kate that complex. And also that toy plane, it meant we got to see Sawyer swim in a lagoon.

RIP: Kelvin Inman
Cause of Death: Desmond + Big Rock
We’ll never forget: Your yellow jumpsuit and hatch art
Thanks for: Keeping our Desmond company

RIP: Jae Lee
Cause of Death: Guilt + Balcony
At least you were doing: Sun
Thanks for: Making us all wonder if Sun’s baby is yours
We’ll never forget: Jin pwning your ass

RIP: Yemi
Cause of Death: Drug Raid
We’ll never forget: You turning up in the plane and in people’s dreams and freaking the hell out of us

RIP: Edmund Burke
Cause of Death: Ethan + Bus
At least you were doing: That hot chick you introduced to Juliet
Thanks for: Illustrating Juliet’s awesome taste in men
We’ll never forget: Screaming out loud when that bus plowed you over

RIP: Goodwin
Cause of Death: Ana-Lucia + Stake through the heart
At least you were doing: Juliet
Thanks for: Lulling us into a false sense of security
We’ll never forget: Watching you get impaled

RIP: Mikhail “Patchy” Bakunin
Cause of Death: Gunshot, Harpoon to the heart, bleeding from the ears, drowning, being blown up
At least: You’re probably not really dead
Thanks for: Being full of pwn
We’ll never forget: Your kitty Nadia

RIP: Tom
Cause of Death: Sawyer + Revenge
At least you were doing: Jack in the back of the Dharma van after football practice
Thanks for: Being both a bad guy and a pussy cat
We’ll never forget: The way we all thought you we the leader of the Others at first. And your awesome fake!beard.

RIP: Danny Pickett
Cause of Death: Juliet + Gun
At least you were doing: Colleen
We’ll never forget: The way you were pretty damn violent for a hippie
Thanks for: Making Kate admit she loved Sawyer

RIP: Colleen Pickett
Cause of Death: Sun + Gun
At least you were doing: Danny
We’ll never forget: Your condescending bitchy tone

RIP: Bonnie and Greta
Cause of Death: Patchy + Gun
At least you were doing: Each other, obvs
Thanks for: Being Strong Womyn

RIP: Naomi
Cause of Death: Locke + Gun
Thanks for: Getting our hopes up, sheesh

RIP: Nathan
Cause of Death: Ana-Lucia + her own paranoia
Sorry about: Thinking you were one of them ha ha WOOPS! *whistles*

RIP: Uncle Rico Roger Linus
Cause of Death: Ben + Purge
Thanks for: Turning Benry into the most eeeveel guy ever
We’ll never forget: Sawyer clunking your skull with a Dharma beer can

RIP: Anthony Cooper, aka Sawyer
Cause of Death: Chains + Sawyer
Thanks for: Fucking up Lost’s 2 best characters – Sawyer and Locke
We’ll never forget: You being the biggest asshole…ever.

RIP: Ana-Lucia Cortez
Cause of Death: Michael + Gun
At least you were doing: Well, you did Sawyer once
We’ll never forget: Those fucking horrible faces you made
Thanks for: Being the most universally hated Lost character ever

RIP: Horace Godspeed
Cause of Death: The Purge
Thanks for: Having the funniest name ever
We’ll never forget: Your hippy dippy ideals

RIP: Miss Cleo Bea Klugh
Cause of Death: Patchy + Gun
Thanks for: Nothing. We thought you’d actually have some importance.
We’ll never forget: You telling us Zeke’s real name was Tom

RIP: Nikki & Paulo
Cause of Death: Spiders + Diamonds + Being buried alive
At least you were doing: Each other
Thanks for: Pissing off almost every Lost fan by showing up out of nowhere and then having no point. Although, you are both very pretty.
We’ll never forget: Actually, we will forget. Meh.

RIP: Boone Carlisle
Cause of Death: Locke + Plane
At least you were doing: Shannon, before the crash
We’ll never forget: Your eyelashes and perfect bone structure
Thanks for: Being god’s friggin’ gift to humanity

RIP: Shannon Rutherford
Cause of Death: Ana-Lucia + Gun
At least you were doing: Boone AND Sayid
We’ll never forget: Your sarcasticly bitchtastic remarks, your translation of the French signal, you singing “La Mer”
Thanks for: Taking care of Vincent while Walt was gone

RIP: Libby
Cause of Death: Michael + Gun
At least you were (about to do): Hurley
We’ll never forget: That you were one of the few nice ones out there
Thanks for: confusing the hell out of us by being in that mental institution

RIP: Susan Lloyd
Cause of Death: Cancer
At least you were doing: Brian
Thanks for: Biting it, otherwise Walt would have never been on that plane

RIP: Mister Eko
Cause of Death: Smoke Monster
We’ll never forget: You being a gentle giant that doesn’t mind kicking ass and taking names, your Jesus stick, the way you said “CHAH-LEE”
Thanks for: Freaking out the two hardest characters to freak out – Ben and Locke

RIP: Charlie Pace
Cause of Death: Destiny + Patchy + Grenade
At least you were doing: Claire
We’ll never forget: The lyrics to “You All Everybody,” that time you got hung from a tree, your black hoodie, the imaginary peanut butter
Thanks for: ALL THE MEMORIES ;____;


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