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Lost and Battlestar Galactica: When Worlds Collide?

October 10th, 2007 § 17

So what would happen if I was really bored and the characters from Battlestar Galactica were somehow introduced to the characters from Lost?

Lee Adama, meet Jack Shephard, your new BFF. You guys can do everything together! Including make pissy faces when you don’t get your way!

You guys can also do that thing where you grab someone by the shirt and spit in their faces!

Then after discussing your various daddy issues, you can shoot the shit about that time you “let yourself go.”

And then you can reminisce about that girl who loves you…sort of.

Chief, Hurley. Hurley, Chief. You guys will get along perfectly because you always get along with everyone else! You also both secretly think you’re crazy, so you can have fun swapping mental stories.

Hey Hera, meet Aaron. When you kids grow up you can chat about the fact that you were both born under very odd circumstances, after lots of people told your mommies that you’d be evil! Ah, kids.

Kara “Starbuck” Thrace, meet James “Sawyer” Ford. You guys can be all badass together.

And talk about your mommy/daddy issues. (Don’t forget to talk about that time you both were told you had kids…after they were born!)

And how you were completely fucked up by the time you were 6.

And then maybe you can get together and talk really close to each other’s faces!

And afterwards you can make adorably cute smartass remarks to each other while in jail cells!

But Kara is cool because she’d be BFFs with Kate, too. They could go on shooting sprees together.

And glomp each other when the need arose.

Colonel Tigh and Patchy ABSOLUTELY need to go and drink vodka from the bottle in an alley somewhere.

And scream at each other about how people keep trying to kill them.

Sharon, this is Sun. She got knocked up too, and it’s a problem too, and well, you guys could be sisters.

Helo and Jin can go off and do noble things together, like getting into a fistfight over the pregnant Asian women they love so dearly!

And then the four of them can totally double date!

Six, meet Juliet! It’s going to take a while to get to know each other, you’re both going to keep lying and acting like you’re on the other’s side and then not actually be a good guy, so be careful!

Laura Roslin, meet Rose! You guys can drink tea and talk about that time you both miraculously recovered from having fatal cancer!

Kat, meet Ana-Lucia! You guys can have girlfights and scream obscenities at each other in Spanish! And don’t forget to make faces that make me want to punch you in the nose!

Gaius Baltar, Desmond Hume. Go out, get drunk, and talk about your insane hallucinations and the fact that you’re both “The Chosen One” in sexy accents while stroking your beards.

And don’t forget to laugh about your “WWJD” phases.

Ellen Tigh, meet Shannon Rutherford. Take her out to Bloomingdale’s and try not to screw any random men on the way, mmkay girls?

Anders, this is Charlie. You guys can talk about how you both used to be famous and how that girl you’re in love with doesn’t really like you as much as you like her.

I know, I know. It sucks to be you. But you guys will think of something heroic to do to get your mind off of it.

Billy, meet Boone. Go out for a beer and talk about your love of humanity and how you were both sacrificed for no good reason!

Leoben, this is Ben! You guys are totally going to get along great, as soon as you both stop talking in those creepy ass voices and trying to brainwash each other!

Bill Adama, meet Sayid Jarrah! You guys can take a walk and talk about your military careers, and then have a “Totem Pole Face” contest!


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