I’m back from Oahu! I posted all my Lost filming location photos (paired with screencaps) on Facebook – click on the photo to check them out :D
(If you missed last year’s photos, check them out HERE.)
The post Lost Filming Locations in Hawaii first appeared on The Ack Attack!.]]>The wonderful artist who created our beloved Benry Knows Best comic has compiled all the comics in one place: BENRY KNOWS BEST. Here you can find all the comics, icons, and graphics I’ve posted since the comic’s inception, along with some all new comics the artist made after Lost’s finale! There are also FAQs and links to the artists’ previous work.
Add it to your bookmarks for all your Benry Knows Best needs :D
BENRY KNOWS BEST! BENRY KNOWS BEST! BENRY KNOWS BEST!
In other news, I’m about to fly off to Oahu once again, where I’ll be visiting many of Lost’s filming locations. Check back here the first week of September to see my photos! :D
The post The Benry Knows Best Archive! first appeared on The Ack Attack!.]]>The artist will be setting up an archive of these wonderful comics elsewhere in the days to come – I’ll be sure to give you all the link.
Thanks again to the artist of these adorably awesome comics!!!!!!
The post Benry Knows Best: A One and a Two & Finale first appeared on The Ack Attack!.]]>I’ve just been reading all the comments you guys have left me for the finale recap. I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you all. Seriously. People often asked me over the years why I bothered spending so much time writing these Lost recaps for a bunch of total strangers.
The comments you guys left me…that’s exactly why I did it. Now I feel like one of Jacob’s special snowflakes.
I wish I could thank you each individually, but this will have to suffice! THANK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!! Your kind comments mean more to me than you know :D
The post Holy crap you guys first appeared on The Ack Attack!.]]>Part III of the epic three part Lost Finale recap!
Click to read Part I
Click to read Part II
“Hey Doc, you know where I could get some grub and/or make out with your ex-wife around here?”
Sawyer’s Apollo Bar gets stuck in the vending machine, and it’s only a matter of moments before a certain Leggy Blond we know comes to swap sarcastic comments with him!
Juliet: You know, if you unplug the vending machine the candy will just drop the to bottom.
Sawyer: Is that so? Or do you just want to get me in the dark?
So he unplugs the thing, and the candy falls down, and as soon as they touch they both flash!!!
Ack: They both remembered those 5 scenes they were in together last year that apparently was enough to convince half the audience that they were a happy couple and that all those years of character development between them and Kate and Jack was over in a matter of one episode!
Audience: Hey! Stop being so bitter!
Ack: I CAN’T HELP IT, I’M SORRY. ;_;
Conveniently they didn’t have enough scenes together to have any bad stuff to remember, except that time Juliet fell to her death, although she wasn’t a bad guy.
And even though I hate Sawyer and Juliet together almost as much as Jack and Kate together, that moment when they both remembered Juliet falling and they both stepped back a bit was really sad!
You know what guys, let’s all just be happy that they are happy, no matter who it is that is making them happy, okay? Okay. So they made their plans to get coffee and go Dutch and everything was hunky dory.
***
Back in the Sideways World, Jack finally shows up to the concert way after it’s over. Kate comes strolling up to him in porn star heels that only a man would have bought for a woman (nice, Desmond), and she wants to chat.
Jack: Do I know you?
Kate: You mean, like, in the biblical sense?
Jack: Did you steal my pen?
Kate: Is that a euphemism?
Jack: You mean like getting caught in a net?
Even though Kate grabbed his noggin and he started to have island flashes again, Jack repressed them AGAIN! Kate knew that the only way she’d get him to understand was to bring it all back to the beginning. Jack had to go see his daddy.
Grab your life jackets, people. The Jearstorm’s coming, and I can already see it starting to Jearizzle.
***
Hurley: You going down there is suicide, dude! The island needs you!
Jack: No, the island needs you, Hurley! I was only a temp hired to finish this project, you’re obviously the permanent Island Team Player!
Jack managed to convince Hurley to drink the magical potion and become the island guardian, even though Hurley’s puppy dog face made it super hard. Good thing Jack had just done this like 12 hours ago, he remembered exactly what to do!
Of course Ben is standing there, mumbling something about how he could have been a contender, but he gives Jack the dirty bottle to fill with dirty water to give Hurley magical powers and/or dysentery.
Even I’ll admit Jack was being really brave, although it’s too bad those tears of his didn’t have healing powers ala a phoenix because he’d have been in ship shape in no time!
Anyway, Ben and Hurley lower Jack into the bottom of Mount Doom (I mean, one does not simply walk into Mordor), and he finds Desmond laying there, screaming about how he’s not even supposed to BE here today!
Then in some kind of crazy hat-trick Jack does 3 likable things all at once! He tells Desmond to go home and be with his wife and son, he makes a funny about finally be right for once, and then he says, “I’ll see you in another life, brother,” which sounds really lame, but at this point we all just want to hug the guy!
***
And then Sawyer and Kate finally get to the other island, and they can hear the plane montage coming to an end, but this crazy bitch Claire is still sitting there being all pouty and wigging out!
Claire: I don’t know how to be a mother! Jack finally stopped whining, so as his sister I have to take up that duty!
Kate: Claire! For chrissakes! Your coochie is my Constant, will you please just get your tiny ass in gear!? Build yourself a bridge and get the fuck over it!
Claire: Oh, alright!
So FINALLY, they all start running for the plane, and luckily Frank, Richard, and Miles had all just faded out of the montage with enough time to notice these tiny little specs running towards them!
And thanks to that runway Kate and Sawyer helped the Others build, the plane took off, the music swelled, and the happy violins of freedom played our Losties off this goddamn island once and for all!!!!!!!
*slow clap*
***
Jack’s apparently built like a brick shithouse because despite having his head bashed in with a rock, being stabbed in the side, and falling down the waterfall, he still has it in him to stick the rock back into the fiendish thingy!!!!
And after a dramatic pause, all his Jears started filling up the pool again, and Jack made the most hilarious face of all time, and we were all like, “CONGRATUWELLDONE, JACK. YOU FINALLY GOT TO BE THE HERO YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO BE!”
*continuing the slow clap*
Desmond got hauled back up to the top, and even though we were all happy our sexy Scot made it through this ordeal, Hurley and Ben wanted to know what the hell happened to Jack!
And so did we, come to think of it – the last time a guy fell into that light he become a pissed off pillar of smoke! Would Jack just become one giant floating Jear cloud or what!?
***
So back at the church where even Jesus is like “OMGWTF!?” it seems like people are gathering!
Locke: Hello, Benjamin.
Ben: Hello, John.
Locke: Are you coming inside?
Ben: I think I have some more things I need to work out first.
Locke: So you killed me, so what? I forgive you.
Ben: So what? Sew buttons! I don’t deserve what lies inside those doors yet, friend.
Locke: Well I guess fate has a “You broke it, you bought it” kind of policy.
And that’s when Locke is healed-ah by the power-ah of the Lord-ah. Or something like that.
Although he wouldn’t have even tried to walk without our little Benry, so it looks like he is getting better after all.
***
“So if I’m the new island Santa Clause, do you want to be my Head Elf? I know Jacob was kind of a douche to you, but I could use someone with experience.”
Ben: It would be an honor, o captain my captain. How about we start by helping Desmond go home?
Hurley: But no one can leave the island, how can we do that?
Ben: Oh, that’s just how Jacob ran things. Like you said, he was kind of a douche. You can run this chocolate factory however you want, Charlie, Hugo.
Remember that time Hurley and Ben shared a candy bar by the cabin? Well now they’re gonna share the island in an equally adorable way.
So Hurley became the best guardian the island ever had. I’d like to think he helped Desmond get home, flew Carmen and Cheech there for luaus, let the surviving Losties come and go over the years whenever they’d like, and helped all those trapped ghosts move on.
I mean, if anyone deserves to live a few thousand years and help people, I think it’s Hugo. <3
***
Hurley: You coming in, dude?
Ben: No, I don’t think so. Not yet.
Hurley: Okay. You know…you were a real good #2.
Audience: lolz
Ben: And you were a great #1, Hugo.
Audience: …lolz.
“This is where I was going to have my father’s funeral. Why are we here?”
“I’ll be waiting inside once you’re ready to leave. You’ll find your black sweat suit, purple shroud, and Nikes right inside the door. I’m sure the Kool-Aid is mixed up by now. See ya.”
And so while Jack sat there trying to make sense out of things, Kate went inside to change into something a little more comfortable less slutty.
***
Jack woke up in the same exact spot Jacob found Smokey’s body, but instead of turning into a cloud, Jack was still human! And alive! Barely!
Most people would have probably just stayed there and died, but Jack Shephard is apparently 2 Legit 2 Quit!
***
He goes into the back room of the church where his father’s body is, and we’re all kind of wondering, “WTF kind of hippie church is this, with the crosses and Stars of David and the Yin and Yang and – is that a frozen donkey wheel!?”
As this is like, the CULMINATION OF EVERYTHING, and since Daddy Jearbucks is involved, Jack performs the patented Shephard Head Squeeze®!
So he puts his hand down on the coffin and FINALLY FINALLY JACK REMEMBERS!!!!!!!
He remembers crashing on the island and saving the shit out of people all the time! He remembers Kate and saving even more people! The Lost producers must have had a really hard time trying to find that many clips of Jack actually smiling!
Conveniently Jack doesn’t remember making every huge mistake known to man, or becoming a bearded drug addict, or being a self righteous, bossy, whiny, arrogant ass to 95% of the people he came into contact with, but IT DOESN’T MATTER! You know why?
Because – BRACE YOURSELVES – JACK HAS REDEEMED HIMSELF. Shock! Horror! Etc! I mean, dude saved the world you guys. Cut him a break. ;D
SO ANYWAY, Jack finally opens the coffin and – GASP! There is no one inside! OMGWTFPOLARBEAR!?!?!?! A’S;LFK’A;SLDKF’;LKADSL;’AFKDLS;
Christian: Hey, kiddo.
Jack: DAD?
Audience: CHRISTIAN!?
Jack: I don’t understand…you DIED!
Audience: YEAH, YOU DIED!!!!!
Jack: How are you here?
Christian: How are you here?
“Uh….because…the Force is strong in my family. My father has it…I have it…and my sister has it.”
“Well…close enough. I’m dead, but you’re dead too, Jack. We all are.”
JEARSIUS MAXIMUS!!!!!! ;___________________;
Jack: Are you real?
Christian: Of course I’m real! Everything that’s happened to you is real!
Jack: They’re all dead too?
Christian: Everybody dies sometime, some before you and some waaaay after you!
Christian explains that there is no “now” where they are – they all made this place together so they could find one another. The time they spent on that island was the most important part of their lives!
And that’s when the audience started freaking out as hard as Jack! It turns out none of them could “move on” without one another because they needed each other to remember! Because no one does it alone!
JEARS IN HEAVEN ;_;
“Wunderbar! Now quit acting like a pussy and go say hi to all your little friends out there.”
So Jack finally steps out into the sanctuary and he finds all his Oceanic 815 buddies there! This is either Heaven or the most attractive AA meeting ever!
Sayid doesn’t care that Nadia’s not there, and Boone’s not mad that Shannon’s looking longingly into Sayid’s eyes!
Locke’s girlfriend Helen is nowhere to be found, but he doesn’t mind because he could totally break dance his way into heaven now that his legs are fixed!
But in case you thought that JUST MAYBE Damon and Carlton would leave us with a Super Mega Happy Ending, you were WRONG! Because Lost has always been about good AND bad, the happy AND the sad, black AND white, and of course life AND death.
What better way to end the series than one of those magical music montages in which you remember just how much you love the show?
WE WILL MISS YOU, DESMOND AND PENNEH! :(
WE WILL MISS YOU, CHARLIE AND AARON AND SHANNON AND CLAIRE AND SUN! :(
WE WILL MISS YOU, JIN, AND LIBBY, AND HURLEY! :(
…and meanwhile Jack is making his way back to the beginning…
WE WILL REALLY MISS YOU, SAWYER!!!!!! ;_;
WE WILL MISS YOU, KATE! :(
…to have the story end where the story began…
And then everyone sat down together with their significant others on the pews except for Locke and Boone but whatever…
And even though they’re all really happy to finally be together again, and to be moving on with the people that meant so much to them, we can’t help but get all Jearsy about it ;_____;
And as if we weren’t already crying hard enough, VINCENT HAS TO COME AND LAY DOWN NEXT TO JACK because Vincent was there the moment Jack woke up after the crash…
And Christian Shephard finally lives up to his ridiculously ~*symbolic*~ name by opening the doors and letting in that magic sparkly light that lives inside every one of us and also in the island’s hoo-ha…
AND THEY’RE ALL SO HAPPY BECAUSE THEY’RE FINALLY TOGETHER, EVEN THOUGH WE’RE ALL SO SAD… D:
AND JACK IS LAYING THERE ON THE GROUND WITH VINCENT, HERE AT THE END OF ALL THINGS, AND WE’RE ALL LIKE, “THAT’LL DO, PIG. THAT’LL DO…”
AND AS IF THAT WEREN’T BAD ENOUGH THE FRIGGING PLANE FLIES OVERHEAD JUST LIKE IN THE PILOT BUT IN ONE PIECE, SO WE KNOW FRANK WILL GET THEM HOME SAFE AND SOUND…
AND JACK REALIZES THAT HE ACTUALLY WAS RIGHT THIS TIME…
AND THE BRIGHT LIGHT FILLS THE CHURCH AND WE KNOW ALL OUR LOSTIES WILL REST IN PEACE…
…and Jack closes his eye and dies, the final shot of the entire series one final Jear quivering on the edge of his lashes.
Super Crazy Lost Fans: SO SIDEWAYS WORLD WAS PURGATORY!!!!!!! AGHHHH!!!!!;LA’;LSKDF;’LAKSDF;LASD
Your Everyday Lost Fans: So the Sideways World was purgatory! Neat!
The n00b Lost fans: OMG I WAS RIGHT, THE ISLAND WAS PURGATORY, YOU GUYS!!!!!
Super Crazy Lost Fans: *head desk*
THE END!!!!!!!!!
***
On a personal note, I’d like to thank each and every one of you who has come to read my recaps every week for the last 4 years. These recaps started as a joke, and I never EVER had any idea that they’d become such a phenomenon. I will always look back on my time as a crazed Lost fangirl with love, and a lot of that has to do with you guys. My readers…are the best readers…of all the readers. Writing these recaps has been a challenge to say the least, but all the love I receive in return for them always made it totally worthwhile. I’m so happy I could make you guys laugh week after week. I may recap a new show, I may not…but you should all know that for me, YOU MADE LOST WORTH LIVING! :D
The Ack Attack isn’t going anywhere, so please stop by and visit!
You can find all my Lost Recaps HERE.
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The post Lost Recap 6×17: The End Part III of III first appeared on The Ack Attack!.]]>Part II of the epic three part Lost Finale recap!
Click to read Part I
Click to read Part III
So it’s finally time for the concert! And we’re reminded that Claire is the tiniest person ever when she stands next to other grownups and/or adolescent boys.
Charlotte wakes Charlie up, who was still taking a tranquilizer gun-induced coma nap. He immediately picks up a bottle and continues doing his ridiculous “Keith Richards if he was a 1-Hit Wonder” impression.
Then Daniel meets Charlotte and he doesn’t quite flash on her, but we know he’s already sort of flashed on her before, and she seems to be into it, so we’re happy for them both and hope their own flashes don’t involve chocolate before dinner.
Things start to get crazy when everyone at Table 23 shows up, and Kate and Claire are like, “OMG MY CARJACKER/CARJACKEE BFF!?”
The concert starts and instead of playing a classical version of “You All Everybody,” Daniel and Driveshaft are playing some stupid song none of us care about, but it’s okay because Charlie sees Claire and becomes an Insta-Creeper!
Claire: Ummm…wtf…do I know that guy…
Charlie: @_@
Claire: Oh no MY BAY-BEE!
Aaron: *flashes on Charlie* SOMEONE GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!
***
Desmond’s finally at the bottom of the waterfall, and while it looks very Indiana Jones we’re pretty sure this thing is like a Hot Tub Time Machine!
It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for!!!! Desmond is convinced that if he can just wade into this pool of MAGIC LIGHT and UNPLUG the WHOLE ISLAND, he’ll be transported to the Sideways World!
BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS!!!! AND DES STARTS BLEEDING AND GOING ALL DOCTOR MANHATTAN AND WHILE THE LADIES WOULDN’T MIND HIM WALKING AROUND NAKED AGAIN, THIS DOESN’T SEEM TO BE GOING WELL.
After the phallic thing came out of the hole, the light just kind of petered out, which also seems potentially problematic.
Desmond: NO!!!! NOOO!!!!!
Audience: NOOO!!!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Lost Writers: YES! YES!
Things went from sparkly like a Twilight vampire to Mount Doom in a matter of seconds, and in that moment Jack knew.
He had to come at Smokey like a mighty bazooka!!!!!
“GERONIMOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! (JACKSON!)”
Even though the island was quickly turning into an earthquakey volcano of DOOM, pulling that plug did something else – it made Smokey mortal again! And Jack popped him in the mouth and made him bleed his own blood! ‘;dslfka’l;dskfl;’asdk
Smokey and Jack were both right! The island may be sinking, but Smokey can be killed!
This means two things: a) my Jears-sense is tingling and b) it is motherfucking GO TIME.
Smokey bashes Jack in the head with a rock and goes running, but he wasn’t going to get very far. MWA HA HA!!!!!!
***
Back at the concert…
Eloise: I thought I told you to knock this off.
Desmond: Yeah well you’re not the boss of me.
Eloise: And what about when they all remember?
Desmond: We’re leaving.
Eloise: Are you gonna take mah boy…right outta mah hands?
Desmond: No, I’ll leave him with you.
We wouldn’t realize this until the end, but after all that, Eloise wasn’t some creepy psychic! She just wanted to be with her son! That’s why her hair was so big, it was full of secrets!
***
Meanwhile, Claire has gone into full blown labor in a matter of 30 seconds, and who comes to save the day but her carjacker BFF, Kate? Good thing Claire’s wearing a mini-skirt, this kid’s about to come flying out at any moment!
So Charlie apparently walked off the stage mid-song to see what he could do to help! Kate sends him to get blankets and water, aka The Hollywood Birth Scene Dynamic Duo!
Kate tells Claire that she needs to push, and she’s saying all the exact lines from the first time Claire gave birth, and it’s all happening so fast!
And then all of the sudden it hits her! Kate flashes on Aaron’s original birth!!! CLAIRE’S VA-JAYJAY IS KATE’S CONSTANT!!!!!!!!
Conveniently Kate doesn’t remember Claire’s Squirrel Baby, or having to abandon Aaron with Claire’s mom or any of that crap, it’s only the good times! But Claire still doesn’t remember!
But then Aaron pops out and Kate hands him to Claire, and then SHE flashes, and our hearts are about to explode!
Conveniently Claire doesn’t remember that time the Others kidnapped her, or how she thought Kate kidnapped Aaron, or how she lived alone for 3 years as a jungle wench! She only remembered the good stuff! And everyone was crying and smiling and we thought we couldn’t take any more!
But before we can even yell “MERCY!!!!” CHARLIE shows up with his blanket and Claire grabs his hand and then all of the sudden HE REMEMBERS TOO!
And there are all these flashes of the fake peanut butter and him taking care of Turniphead and kissing Claire by the fire!!!!
Conveniently for them both they didn’t remember him drowning in the Looking Glass, or his drug problem, or the whole, “Oh, and Chah-lee? I don’t want my BAY-BEE hanging around LY-AHS” thing!
And now everyone remembers everyone, and everyone is bawling, including the majority of the audience. Because Babies + Best Friends + Motherhood + Long Lost Friends + Long Lost Loves = Off the charts EMO EXPLOSION.
Sidenote: I mean seriously I never cry about anything, but this made me cry so hard my nose started bleeding LOL. Yay Darlton. Chipping away at the icy hearts of snarky internet recappers everywhere.
So anyway now Kate, Claire, Charlie, and Desmond have all reached some kind of cosmic understanding with one another, although none of us have any idea what it is yet.
But it wouldn’t be a Lost finale if any of us had any idea about what was going on, right?
***
Back on the island, Ben gets squished under a tree because he hadn’t been injured for a few minutes, and everyone is trying to help him get free! Which is slightly surprising! But they don’t have time to debate whether or not they should save him – the island’s going all wonky!
They get on the walkie to LaPenis, who says he needs like 6 hours to get the plane working, but it’s a moo point! The island’s set on Self-Destruct and it’s going down like a fat kid in dodge ball!
***
And at that moment, Smokey made an absolutely crucial bad guy mistake. If he would have just climbed down the goddamn ladder when he got to the cliff’s edge, he’d be on his merry way.
But no. He had to stand there and marvel at how awesome his plan had been. Dumbass.
Jack: KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCKKKKKKEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Smokey: HEY, ASS-BUTT.
Audience: FINISH HIM!!!!
If Mocke would have only seen the Lion King, he’d know how this would end. IT WAS TIME FOR SOME THRILLING HEROICS.
*CUE EPIC MUSIC WITH THE CRAZY STRINGS AND POUNDY DRUMS* (i.e. Click Here and turn your sound UP!)
SO JACK DOES THE MOST BADASS THING HE’S EVER DONE AND GOES ALL CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN JACKFACE AND FLIES RIGHT AT MOCKE’S HEAD!
THE RAIN IS POUNDING DOWN ON THE TWO FIGURES, THE FIGHT BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL LITERALLY GOING ON OUT ON THE EDGE OF A GIANT CLIFF!
THE VILLAIN GRABS HIS KNIFE AND STABS, HARD, INTO OUR HERO’S GUT! A HORRIBLE SQUELCHING SOUND IS HEARD! WE THINK, “NO! THIS CANNOT BE! WE MAY NOT ALL LOVE JACK, BUT WE DON’T WANT HIM TO LOSE!”
IT ONLY TOOK SIX YEARS AND ONE HOUR TO MAKE JACK SEMI-LIKABLE. THANKS, LOST!
I MEAN THIS IS CRAZY. THIS IS LIKE THE LAST LEVEL OF MARIO BROS. WHEN THE WOODEN SHIP IS ALL SHAKING AND ALL THE CANNONBALLS ARE FLYING AT YOU AND EXPLODING!
THE VILLAIN, BELIEVING HIMSELF TO BE THE VICTOR, FLIPS THE HERO OVER, HOLDING A KNIFE TO HIS THROAT, AND MAKING THE OTHER CRUCIAL BAD GUY MISTAKE!
HE STOPS HIMSELF FROM SLASHING JACK’S THROAT JUST LONG ENOUGH TO SAY, “JUST SO YOU KNOW, YOU DIED FOR NOTHING!!!!!”
AND AT THAT VERY MOMENT WE ALL DECIDED TO FORGIVE KATE AUSTEN AND HER LAMENESS OVER THE YEARS BECAUSE SHE SHOT SMOKEY RIGHT IN THE MOTHERFRAKKING BREAD BASKET!!!!!
AND JACK KICKED HIM OFF THE CLIFF, WHERE HE LANDED IN A PILE. BECAUSE ALL BAD GUYS NEED TO FALL TO THEIR DEATHS.
SEE ALSO: HANS GRUBER, GOLLUM, EMPEROR PALPATINE, ETC. ETC.
;lkAJD;LKdjflkJS;lfkajskldjsakl
*runs around like a crazed Muppet, arms flailing above my head*
***
Back in the Sideways World, Jack’s neck started bleeding again IN THE EXACT SAME PLACE SMOKEY HAD CUT HIM. And that “appendix scar” was where Smokey had stabbed him!!!!!! OH EM GEE.
So Locke wakes up from his spinal surgery way too early. Jack’s trying to get him to chillax for a second, when all of the sudden Locke’s like…
“It worked! I can feel my legs! Lets cry together and get maaaarried!”
No, but seriously folks, as soon as Jack uncovered Locke’s little piggies, Locke had his own flash! And he remembered being healed by the island, and showing young boys how to throw knives, and orange peels and backgammon and all that shit!
Conveniently he didn’t remember imploding the hatch, or killing people here or there, or being an epic failure at everything, or Ben hanging him, or having a demon use him as a sock puppet, but hey that’s cool!
So now he understands, and he wants to get going ASAP, but Jack won’t let him, even though when Locke flashed, Jack actually had a teeny flash of his own! But since Jack is the most stubborn person on the planet, he represses the crap out of that memory and makes to leave.
Jack: I have to go see my son.
Locke: But you don’t have a son.
Lost Writers: Hint hint.
Locke: I hope someone does for you what you just did for me.
Jack: ;_;
Lost Writers: HINT HINT.
***
Meanwhile, Sawyer shows up and flashes his badge at Sun and Jin, and he’s like, “I’m here to protect you Miss…Peck? Pike? P-Pake?”
They realize that while they might have had their own Enlightenment, Sawyer’s still kind of stuck in his Dark Ages. He doesn’t know who they are, or that he’s the one who helped Jin learn to say that those pants didn’t make Sun look fat.
Sun: Don’t worry about us, we’re safe.
Jin: Yeah, we’re safe, you son of a bitch.
Sun: LOL yeah, you son of a bitch.
Sawyer: Excuse me?
Jin: Just a little inside joke.
Sawyer: I love inside jokes. I hope to be part of one someday.
Lost Writers: Patience, young grasshopper.
***
♪♪♪ The hour’s approaching to give it your best
You’ve got to reach your prime.
That’s when you need to put yourself to the test
And show us a passage of time.
We’re gonna need a montage.
A plane fixing montage!
Show a lotta things, happening at once,
Remind everyone of what’s goin’ on.
With every shot show a little improvement,
To show it all would take too long.
That’s called a montage.
In anything, if you want to go
From just a beginner to a pro
You need a montage
Even Rocky had a montage.
You need a montage.
A simple little montage.
Always fade out in a montage.
If you fade out it seems like more time has passed in a montage.
Montaaaaage… ♪♪♪
***
Despite the whole Ding Dong the Bitch is Dead thing, the Losties still have muchas problemas going on right now. Jack’s been stabbed and even though Smokey’s dead, the island won’t stop shaking!
So Jack tells them they all have to get to Smokey’s boat and get to the other island because if he can’t plug up Mount Doom, things are going to get hinky.
Ben and Hurley say they’re staying with Jack – Ben because he wants to go down with the island, and Hurley because he’s kind of a weenie!
Sawyer: Together again, huh?
Jack: Wouldn’t miss it.
Sawyer: How we doin’?
Jack: Same as always.
Sawyer: That bad, huh?
Kate: Come with us!
Jack: No, I have a ~*Special Destiny*~!
Kate: Did I ever tell you you’re my hero? And everything I would like to be?
Jack: *wincing*
Kate: I can fly higher than an eagle, ’cause you are the wind beneath my wings.
Jack refuses to go with them, and for one brief moment all the Skaters in the audience thought they’d finally won the Great Lost Ship War. Until…
Lost Writers: Bet ya didn’t see that one coming!
Jaters: WEEEEE ARE THE CHAMMPIONS, MY FRIIIIIENDSSSS
Skaters: Jate?????? IS FATE??????? JATE!???????????? IS FATE!???????
Jaters: AND WEEEEEEEE’LL KEEP ON FIGHTINGGGGGG TILLL THE EEEEEEENDDDDD
Skaters: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! *projectile vomiting*
Jaters: NOOOO TIME FOR LOOOOSERS CAUSE WE ARE THE CHAMPIIOOOONNSSSS
Skaters: WHYYYYYYYYYY????? *taking Silkwood showers*
Everyone Else: Oh, how nice for them.
Hurley: …I’ll be in my bunk.
Kate: I LOVE YOU ;_;
Jack: I LOVE ME TOO ;_;
Ben and Hurley began helping Jack drag his ass back to the cave, and the island is still going nuts, and things are looking really grim! So much for a Super Mega Happy Ending, amiright?
Kate: How are we gonna get down there?
Sawyer: *looks for ladder* No Stairway? Denied!
So Sawyer and Kate did the most badass thing ever, which was jump off this cliff into the ocean without any hesitation.
Skate may not be Fate after all, but to me, they’ll always be the island’s Sid and Nancy. *wails on air guitar*
Click to read Part I
Click to read Part III
You can find all my Lost Recaps HERE.
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The post Lost Recap 6×17: The End Part II of III first appeared on The Ack Attack!.]]>Part I of the epic three part Lost Finale recap!
Click to read Part II
Click to read Part III
As if we needed reminding that this was The End, the first shot of the very last Lost was of a coffin! So symbolic! So sad! So very fitting considering this show started with Daddy Issues, and now it would end with them!
So we saw each character in both worlds – Cop Sawyer and Jungle Sawyer, Surgeon Jack and Jack-is-the-new-Jacob Jack, Teabag-Wielding Ben and Bullet-Wielding Ben, etc. etc.
Desmond: Bring out yer dead!
Allman Brothers Roadie: Here’s one.
Christian: I’m not dead.
Desmond: What?
Allman Brothers Roadie: He says he’s not dead.
Desmond: Yes he is.
Christian: I’m not.
Allman Brother Roadie: He isn’t.
Desmond: Yes, but the audience doesn’t know that yet so zip it, will ya?
Kate: Who died?
Desmond: It’s a man named Christian Shephard.
Kate: Srsly? Christian Shephard? Yikes.
Desmond: Look Kate, don’t get catty just because you’re like the only character on this show without symbolic name, okay?
Kate: You breaking me out of jail and giving me this dress has been great and all, but why am I here?
Desmond: No one can tell you why you’re here. *WINK*
Kate: What do you want?
Desmond: TO LEAVE, KATE.
Kate: When do you want it?
Desmond: NOW!
***
Back in the jungle, Jack is standing in the river of Jears he has produced over 6 seasons, practicing his God voice.
“And Jack said LET THERE BE LIGHT! No, no…ahem…THE LORD IS MY JACK SHEPHARD, I SHALL NOT WANT. Hmmm. I like that.”
Sawyer: Are you alright? Last night was weird.
Jack: Yeah, I’m fine. And totally not trying to turn this water into wine.
Jack tells Kate, Sawyer, and Hurley what the haps are – basically, There is a Light That Never Goes Out at the center of the island, and Smokey’s gonna try to turn it off – literally bringing them all to The Dark Side.
The only problem is that Jacob kind of gave the Cliff Notes version of how to protect the light, so Jack doesn’t really know how to do it.
“Jacob’s worse than Yoda. Let us down, he has. Stopped must Smokey be. On this all depends. Only a fully trained Jedi Knight with the Force as his ally…”
“Can it, Chewie. I’m gonna go and help the magically delicious leprechaun bust out of that well,” then he turns to Kate and he’s like, “Afraid I was gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?”
Kate: I’d just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
Sawyer: I can arrange that. You could use a good kiss.
Jack: O RLY?
Hurley and all the Skaters: I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
***
Back in the Sideways World, Team Purple Shirt makes a pit stop on their way to…wherever it is they’re going.
Hurley: Tranquilizer gun? Me and you in my Hummer, driving around? Ring any bells?
Sayid: You are crazy.
Hurley: Do I need to go find my “I Heart My Shih Tzu” shirt? Maybe you’ll flash on a dishwasher…hmmm…
It turns out they were there to pick up Charlie “My Guyliner is Not as Pretty as Richard’s” Pace for the concert. He was being amazingly douchey for someone who had like…one hit song. I wonder if the bassist from Marcy Playground was such a dick.
Anyway Hurley could care less because he was finally seeing his old BFF Charlie again, and he just wanted to hold him to his plentiful bosoms and talk about the good old days!
But Charlie didn’t remember anything, so Hurley’s all “Whoops, dart to your back!” and he knocks Charlie out, throws him into the back of his hummer, and drives off.
***
Kate: You don’t have to do this.
Jack: Have you ever met me, Kate? I’m the Fixiest Fixer that has ever Fixed. This is the most important fix of all. IT IS MY DESTINY TO FIX THIS, WOMAN!!! LET ME FIX THIS!!!!!!1!
Kate: …
Jack: …let me do this and we can make out later.
Kate: Giggity.
***
Over at the well, Ben catches Sawyer and is like, “As long as you’re watching, why don’t you join us?” and a million terrible fanfics were born!
Sawyer: So I’m guessing you need Desmond to destroy the island, sound about right?
Smokey: Well look at that! You figured out my evil scheme! Howâ€d you do that?
Sawyer: I figured out your complicated gizmos, thatâ€s how.
Smokey: It only took the bears 2 hours. You Candidates are a little slow on the uptake.
Sawyer: We’re not Candidates anymore. BOO YA.
At that, Sawyer popped Ben “FML” Linus in the mouth (it wouldn’t be a Lost Finale without some Ben carnage, no?) and ran back to Team Blue Shirt’s hiding spot.
Ben: hhhWhy didn’t you stop him!?
Smokey: Why doesn’t a frog bump his ass when he hops?
Smokey: I don’t give a shit about those peons, I’m sinking this island and then IIIIII’MMMM SAAAAAILING AWAAAAAAY, SET AN OPEN COURSE FOR THE VIRGIN SEEEEEAAAA.
Ben: So you’re not promoting me to Assistant Regional Manager of the island like you promised?
Smokey: I’m dropping this island like it’s hot, so unless you want to get eaten by Ezra James Sharkington, I suggest you come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me.
***
Desmond wakes up at Mr. and Mrs. Thurston Howell III Rose and The Nard Dog’s awesome jungle bungalow! They were the ones who helped him out of the well!
Rose gives Desmond some breakfast and is like, “Look, not to be rude, but once you’re done eating, you’ve got to go. We don’t get involved. Damn kids, with your automatic weapons and your drama and your Discmen and your Friendster. Just let us get old and grow our hair in peace, will ya?”
But within minutes Smokey’s there on the scene, threatening to cut a bitch if Desmond doesn’t come with him right now! And he says he’s going to make it HURT, which the Dude CANNOT ABIDE.
Rose: This why we stay out of this, dammit. Save the drama for your mama, Locke!
Smokey: Talk to the hand cause the face don’t want to hear it!
Rose: VINCENT, HOLD MY WEAVE!
Bernard: OH SHIT’S ABOUT TO GET REAL.
Desmond: OCH. Ah’ll come with yoo, brothah. But only if yoo promise to nevah, EVAH hurt one hair on Rose or Bernard’s equally shaggy heads!
So Rafiki grabs his walking stick and ventures out with Smokey and Ben.
Smokey: Betcha don’t know where we’re going!
Desmond: That glowy cave of wonders?
Smokey: How did you…but you can’t…D’oh!
***
And then Miles found Richard! Despite being thrown across Otherville like a sexy Cuban rag doll, he seems alright, albeit a little confused.
Miles: Are you okay, bro?
Richard: TV and Film’s Ken Leung? Wow! I loved you in Keeping the Faith.
Miles: I think you hit your head pretty hard.
Richard: omg is my manscara smudged!?
They decide to go on with the blow-up-the-plane plan, since they really don’t have much else going on at the moment.
***
Meanwhile, Sideways Miles just happens to see Sayid out joyriding with Hurley, and as he just arrested him yesterday, he figures something’s up. He calls Detective Ford back at the office, who’s wearing some absolutely hilarious eye wear and “investigating” the answer to 6 Across.
“Go find Sun Paik and make sure that Iraqi dude with the Soul Glo doesn’t go after her again!”
***
Speaking of Sun Paik, she’s in the hospital recovering from being shot, and Jin’s already planning to run away from her stupid assface of a father.
Then Dr. Juliet Burke Linus Ford Shephard CARLSON walks into the room, all the Juliet fangirls freak out, and then she makes a point of noting Sun and Jin can’t speak English, yet continues speaking to them in English anyway!
So she starts giving Sun an ultrasound to check on the BAY-BEE, and as soon as she feels it, Sun flashes on that time Juliet pretended to help her but really was secretly gathering data for Benry!
But apparently Sun didn’t remember it that way, and she started crying and saying that she remembered!
And then Jin saw the BAY-BEE on the monitor, and HE started getting flashes too! And he remembered all the various times him and Sun ran towards each other in slow motion after being apart for weeks/months/years at a time! And then together they remembered Jin being left behind on the freighter, and drowing ala Jack and Rose ;_;
Conveniently they didn’t remember Jin forcing Sun to button her sweater, or that guy she was cheating on Jin with, or Jin being a hit man for her father, or that time Sun paid off Jin’s hooker mother, or all the mean shit he did to her on the island.
But it’s okay because it was so sad and cute and I mean GOD imagine remembering yourself drowning to the sad tinkly piano music! ;_;
Anyway, Sun and Jin could now magically speak non-accented English, and while Juliet was slightly taken aback by the sudden change in their speech, she was more worried that Sun might remember that time she bitch-slapped Juliet on the island, so she quickly excused herself and ran down the hall.
***
So Locke’s awaiting his surgery with a hair net despite his complete lack of hair!
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Listen John, did you have anything you wanted to say before your surgery, or…”
Locke: Uh, yes – try not to kill me, will ya?
Lost Writers: Hint hint.
Locke: And I hope them finding your father’s body can bring you peace.
Lost Writers: HINT HINT.
Jack: Alright then. See you on the other side.
Lost Writers: HINT!
***
Meanwhile, Miles and Richard are getting ready to go to Hydra Island when Miles finds Richard’s very first gray hair!!!!
Richard: YES! I never thought I’d be able to say this! I’M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT!!!
Miles: Congrats!
Richard: I’m going to need to pick up some Just For Men on the way back to civilization, btw.
So they’re canoe-dling along the channel between islands when they hear this muffled screaming, and we’re all like, “OH LOST, OH NO YOU DIH-INT.”
FRANK!!!!!! LAPIDUS!!!!!!!! IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!
“I’m LaPenis. I’m your fire, and your desire.”
So basically Frank gets on the sexy canoe and tells Team Gray Hair Shirt that there’s no sense in blowing up the plane when he could, ya know, FLY IT HOME.
***
Then Smokey, Ben, and Desmond just happen to come across Jack, Kate, Sawyer, and Hurley, and we’re okay with it (because it wouldn’t be a Lost finale if the two separate groups didn’t meet up on this slanty hill to talk close to each other’s faces, no?).
Kate, who hasn’t done anything cool or badass in months, grabs a rifle and becomes the first gunman on the grassy knoll! It’s just too bad Smokey’s inside his invisible magic bulletproof Popemobile!
Locke: Wow, so you’re the new Island Bodyguard, huh? Kind of an obvious choice, don’t ya think?
Jack: I volunteered for this job. Me? Getting to save the entire world? This is like catnip to me. I go crazy for this shit.
Locke: That’s so gay. You know how I know you’re gay?
Jack: How? How do you know I’m gay?
Locke: Because you macraméd yourself a pair of jean shorts.
Jack: You know how I know that you’re gay?
Locke: How?
Jack: I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once.
Locke: You know how I know you’re gay?
Jack: How?
Locke: You have a rainbow bumper stick on your car that says, “I love it when balls are in my face.”
Jack: That’s gay!?
“Enough of these pleasantries, Smoke Man. It’s time for our ménage à trois with this Island’s Glowy Vagina.”
Locke: And then?
Jack: No “and then.”
***
After bumping into each other at the nurse’s station and doing the “Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor” thing, we finally find out that JULIET CARLSON IS THE MOTHER!!!!!!!!!! (*cue awesome dancing*)
David: Golly gee willikers Mom and Dad, you two sure are special to me.
Juliet: Father, don’t we have such a wonderful son?
Jack: And how, Mother. It’s almost as if he was too perfect to be true!
Lost Writers: *clear throats*
And then Juliet and Sawyer crossed paths for the first time and didn’t flash on each other, which gave us poor Skaters hope, but not for long.
***
Sawyer: Look, Doc. What Kate Does is her own business, and I know we have to make sense of What They Died For, but Dead is Dead.
Jack: Desmond…I think he is The Constant. He should have been Confirmed Dead after what Widmore did to him, but I think he’s Special.
Sawyer: This will be The Beginning of the End. It’s only The Shape of Things to Come! I know I’m supposed to just Follow the Leader, but There’s No Place Like Home. I’d rather just leave and live Happily Ever After. This Place is Death, Jack.
Jack: Desmond is One of Us, and if he’s telling The Whole Truth, if I Do nothing, at Sundown that monster is going to go Across the Sea. While dangerous, The Incident will be for The Greater Good, trust me. It’s The Cost of Living.
Sawyer: That’s a hell of a Long Con, Doc. I’d rather it be Every Man for Himself, but I’ll Follow the Leader. Namaste, Jack.
Jack: …Jughead.
So anyway, they get to the bamboo field where the glowy cave is, and Smokey decides that only the island VIPs are allowed to go. As Jack is walking away, Hurley’s like, “I believe in you, dude,” which is freaking adorable (and for once, we feel like we might actually believe in Jack too).
Desmond tells Jack that while he’s being very noble and all, none of this matters! There’s this Super Mega Happy place where you can hang out with your loved ones and never think about this island again!
That is, unless you actually flash on said loved ones, in which case you DO remember the island, but that’s neither here nor there.
Jack tells Desmond that there are no do-overs, no shortcuts, and ALL of this matters!
Super Crazy Lost Fans: So I’m guessing the Sideways World will not be the end-all for the show…
Your Everyday Lost Fans: I am enjoying this finale so far.
The n00b Lost fans: I totally bet this is purgatory, you guys.
So it was time. Time for Desmond to find the clitoris.
***
So Sayid and Hurley are sitting in some Sideways back alley, and Sayid’s wondering just what the hell they are doing there.
Hurley: You’ll understand soon enough.
Sayid: Well, that would like, assume that anyone actually tells me anything. Maybe if I were in the loop I could be more helpful.
Hurley: There is no loop, Sayid.
Our big squishy marshmallow Hurley was trying to talk Sayid up a bit when Action Sayid saw some thug pushing a lady around in the alley! So he strapped on his Torcha Scrunchie and went to use his Masters from the Jack Bauer Institute for Pwnage one last time!!!!
When the damsel in distress turned around, it was Shannon!!!!!!!!!!! And even though Sayid spent his whole life in love with Nadia and like 1 month with Shannon we didn’t even care!!!!!!!
They both flashed on each other right away! And it was all making out by bonfires and translating maps! Conveniently they didn’t remember that time Ana-Lucia shot Shannon, or when Shannon tried to get Sayid to kill Locke, or all of Sayid’s torcha or Shannon’s bitching!
And Boone showed up, as ridiculously good looking as ever! His own flash must not have been about Shannon (let’s face it, he probably flashed on some pens) because he was fine to sit with Hurley and watch her have a scoop of delicious Iraqi Road ice cream.
Woo! Bygones!
***
After arriving at Hydra Island, Miles barely has enough time to tell the others that they’re flying off the island when Crazy Claire shows up, guns blazing! She tells them she doesn’t want to leave in the whiniest way possible, but Richard thinks he knows what the problem is…
“Look, Claire. Leave-in conditioner, some exfoliating cleanser, and a little lip gloss can go a long way. I’m Bringing Sexy Back, one castaway at a time.”
***
So they’re lowering Desmond down into the glowy light, and Jack’s making some awesome faces, and Smokey’s trying to get Jack to reminisce about the old days with the real Locke!
Smokey: Let’s have that same fight we always used to have!
Jack: No.
Smokey: Come on, guy! I’m a man of faith! Let’s talk destiny! Backgammon and orange peels and knives and shit!
Jack: I said NO!
Smokey: Geez, throw me a frickin’ bone here.
Jack totally called Smokey out for being a poseur! And Desmond got down to the bottom of the waterfall, turned on a Mama Cass record, and the camera panned sloooooowly down the cave, just like when they first blew open the hatch.
It. Was. Awesome.
Click to read Part II
Click to read Part III
You can find all my Lost Recaps HERE.
Become a fan on Facebook for updates!
Or follow me on Twitter!
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The post Lost Recap 6×17: The End Part I of III first appeared on The Ack Attack!.]]>Thanks for your patience :D
The post Lost Finale Recap Coming Soon! first appeared on The Ack Attack!.]]>Click the photo to see my Lost Finale party photos! I’d love to see all of your photos – leave me some links or post them here and I’ll post my favorites over the next few days!
The post Lost Finale Party Photos first appeared on The Ack Attack!.]]>Some of you may have already heard – on August 16, 2010 DK Publishing will be releasing The Lost Encyclopedia!!!!
From the publisher:
Featuring more than 400 pages and over 1500 images, the LOST Encyclopedia will be a comprehensive guide to the characters, items, locations, plotlines, relationships, and mythologies from all six seasons of the landmark series aired on ABC-TV and produced by ABC Studios. Created in full collaboration with ABC Entertainment and ABC Studios, this will be the first and only fully licensed and comprehensive reference to all things LOST, and it includes a foreword by executive producers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse.
Cool, right!? Even cooler? I’ll be giving away three copies of the book when it’s released – details coming later this summer! Even MORE COOLER?? I’m doing a Q & A with the authors Tara Bennett and Paul Terry tomorrow!!! I’ve already got some questions for them, but I thought it would be fun if you guys wanted to submit some questions too. I can’t ask them all, but I’ll choose my favorites to include in the interview!
If you’d like to submit a question, leave it as a comment here. If you’d like me to use your real name (or your first name, last initial) make sure you include that, otherwise I’ll use your screen names.
P.S. You should be asking questions about the book and how they wrote it and the authors themselves, not so much unanswered questions from the show…I doubt they know the answers!
The post Submit your questions for the Lost Encyclopedia Authors! first appeared on The Ack Attack!.]]>