Added 4/12/08: This recap is close to my heart, as it is the very first one I wrote, on a whim, when I was insanely bored one day at work. I had no idea what this ridiculous thing would spawn.
This is my Official PUMP IT UP Lost season recap!!!!!!!!
Let’s go on a trip down memory lane….and look at some pretty pictures. Captions are as stupid as I could possibly make them.
Ah, the first episode. Remember when we had to wait 4 months to find out what the eff Jack and Locke were looking at? They were all, “Let’s just prance down into this dark and creepy hole!”
And then Desmond was all like, “I don’t think so brothah. You gotta push this button thingy. The end. THE END.”
And then Jin was all like, “UDDDEEERRRSSS!!!!!!!” (cause he can only speak Jin-glish!)
And then Jack was all emo and crying and little did we know, we’d have to deal with lots of crying this season…
And then we saw that preview where Jin was speaking English! And we all freaked! And once we found out it was only a dream, we were all like, “Hey Lindeloff! CLUCK YOU, buddy.”
And then we were all thinking, “Hey, Shannon hasn’t been as horrible to watch lately! I won’t mind watching her now.” And then Ana-Bitch came and busted a cap in her ass! And we were all like “ZOMGWTFBBQ!!!11!!1!”
And then we saw this gigantic scary cavemannish guy, and we were like, WTF he must be the Others! But he wasn’t the others! He was the sweet and gentle Mr. Eko.
And then Sawyer was all sick and stuff, and Kate was all “You my everything, baby,” and he was like, “You have healed me, gentle woman.”
And then Hurley was totally stoked that Jin and Sun were makin babies in their tarp tent, and he was all, “Dude.”
And then we saw the Orientation video with Dr. Marvin Candle…if that’s his REAL NAME! And we were all like “Oh Shit!”
And then Michael talked to Walt on that computer RIGHT AFTER DR WHATSHISNAME SAID NOT TO and we were all like “OMFG” and fell off our couches!
And then Mr Eko was all, “Let’s go find my dead bruddah in deh jungle,” and then he saw the black cloud of doom!
Then we saw that dude from that boat that stole Walt! And he had torches! And Kate! And Alex!
And then Charlie started tripping the eff out and he was all, “wtf is that Jesus H. Christ, H standing for Hurley of course?”
And then the flippy thingers started flipping and we thought the island was going to explode!
And then Kate was all, WTF why is there a beard hanging out in a locker? Is this Sayid’s?
And Locke’s legs got stuck under the blast doors and WHAT THE HELL a map magically appeared! And Henry was running amuck in the hatch!
And then we were all like OH SHIT he’s not really Henry Gale! And Sayid was all like, “Henry Gale, you are officially pwned.”
And then Sawyer was all, “How can I still be sexy and also be wearing your 80 year old Jewish grandma’s glasses, I ask you.”
And then Ana-Lucia was all like, “Michael you piece of balls you SHOT ME and I don’t deserve this!” And millions of people around America were dancing around singing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!
And Libby was all like, “Wait a goddamn minute, you’re killing me off too!? But…but….I was in that hospital….with Hurley….but….” *dies*
And then Eko’s brothah was all like, “I’m going to haunt you in your dreams like Freddie. Only I will be extra nice and priestish.”
And then Miss Cleo was all like, “I have creepy ass eyeballs, don’t make me use them for evil. BTW, we have that kid of yours.”
And Michael was all like, “It’s because I’m black, isn’t it? …Oh….Wait….WAAAAALT! I want mah boy!”
And then this dude was all like, “Oh my gawd, don’t point that nasty thing at me, you beast.”
And then the preview for the finale came on! And Locke was all, “Am I gonna have to choke a bitch?”
And then Charlie was like, “ZOMG! Could I be any cuter?”
And then Jack was all, “IS THIS WHAT WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO WONDER ABOUT UNTIL OCTOBER?”
