So Sawyer was all like, “Hey Jabba, you want some Dharma Funions?”
And Hurley was all, “DUDE…”
“…you know I want three! RANCH DIPPIN’ TIME!”
And Michael was all like, “To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub…”
And Jack was all like, “Don’t be thinking about slipping off that mortal coil yet, Mikey. We live together and…slip off the mortal coil together….by the way, your fly’s undone.”
Anway, Sun was all like, “BLARRGGGHH!!!!!! I am with child!”
And Sayid was all, “I spent many a night puking over balconies at Dave Matthews Band concerts back in Iraq. Or as we used to like to call it, I-ROCKS.”
So Sun was all, “Where the hell did we get these binoculars? They seem to be coming in very handy today.”
And then we were all like, “OMGWTF is that Jebediah Springfield’s foot!!!???”
Back in the Hatch of Doom, Desmond was all like, “I learned that in the circus, brothah. The human body is quite amazing is it not? Especially certain…uh…appendages….”
And Locke was like, “THAT WAS A NEAT TRICK!!!!”
So Flashback Desmond was all like, “ARGGHHHH!!!! MAH BOOOAT! MAAAH BOOOAT!”
And Clancy Brown was all like, “What did one snowman say to the other snowman? And also, if I was in Iraq with Sayid, how the eff did I end up here!!??”
And Desmond was all like, “OHHHH MAAAAH GAWWWD!” And it was then that he realized…
“You gave me roofies, didn’t you, you FOOKIN’ ARSE BANDIT!! OOOOooohhhh…”
Meanwhile on the beach, Mistah Eko was having a conniption. “CHAH-LEE! CHAH-LEE! YOU’VE GOT TO FIND THE GOLDEN TICKET!”
“GOD DAMN YOU CHARLIE! YOU HAVE TO SAVE GRANDPA JOE!”
And Grandpa Joe was all like, “FOR REALZ, YO! GET YOUR HEAD OUTTA YOUR ASS!”
So then Sawyer and Kate are all like “No, YOU’RE prettier…WTF UDDERS!!!”
And Sawyer’s all like, “THIS IS FOR ANA-LUCIA, YOU BASTARDS!”
And then he’s like…”Wait a goddamn minute! What am I saying? Sawyer, you trippin.”
And then Michael is all like, “Someone’s having a case of the MONDAYS!”
And Jack is all like, “GRRRRRRrrrraaaawwwwrrrrRRRRR!!!!!!” *bites his nose off*
And Kate is just like, “O…M….G…”
And Sawyer is all thinking, “Did Ana-Lucia give me HERPES!?”
But Michael’s all like, “I actually….I dunno…” *pushes dirt around with his toe* “…I kinda liked Ana-Lucia.”
And Hurley’s all, “Dude….DUDE….are you freaking kidding me?”
And Kate has a flashback to that night Ana-Lucia tried to make out with her by the caves…
And then out of nowhere Sawyer feels his crotch start to tingle and itch…”That bitch DID give me herpes!!!”
So Jack wheels around and he’s all like, “WTF DOES THAT MEAN YOU GAVE ME HERPES? That’s the last time I let you nuzzle my mangoes, you son of a bitch!”
Back on the boat, Sayid decides it is high time he bows down and thanks the lord for his sovreign pwn-acity…
And Charlie is all like, “Yoooo hooooo. Pretty Pirate Man! I have somethin’ to show yoooou! Do it for Grandpa Joooeeee!”
And Clancy Brown is all, “…so, yeah. I learned that trick in the circus. It’s really quite amazing what the body is capable of.”
“See that? That’s what happens if you wiggle too hard. Radzinski learned that the hard way.”
And Desmond was like, “Whoooaaa. I’m definitely gonna hafta learn that one, brothah.”
And outside the hatch door, Mistah Eko is all like, “CHAH-LEE, it is time.” *rips off all of Charlie’s clothes*
And Locke is all like, “CHARLIE!!! HE LIKES HIS EARS NIBBLED!”
And Charlie was just like, “Funny, Sayid is the same way…”
*wets lips* “Alright, Eko…Here I come!”
