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Lost Recap: Season 3, Part I

November 6th, 2006 § 0



So first Juliet was all like “All I ever do is cook and I can’t even make muffins without effing them up.” And we were all like “Hi, have we met?”

And then we were all like OMFG IT’S HENRY GALE! AND HE JUST RAN OUT OF A HOUSE! AND HE’S FRIENDS WITH THE MUFFIN CHICK!

And then the plane was like *DED*

And we were like “ARE WE FINALLY SEEING BEAR VILLAGE!?”

So meanwhile Jack is just like “WAHHHH”

And Kate is like, “Is that Aaron crying? Oh no wait, it’s just Jack again.” And then she’s like, “I’m not getting naked for you, Mr. Happy or whatever the hell your name is this week.”

And he’s like, “My name is Tom and I um…swing for the other…I prefer….my lifestyle is….let’s just put it this way: I think Liza Minelli is fabulous.”

So then Sawyer’s just like “I HAVE A CUNNING PLAN TO ESCAPE!”

And the big electric button is like *PWNED*

And Juliet’s just like *undresses Jack with her eyes*

And Jack is like “I FEEL VERY VIOLATED RIGHT NOW” *cries*

So Henry Gale is just like …fava beans and nice chianti….fava beans and nice…what’s my motivation again?

And then he’s like “Do you like my new shirt? The guy at Nordstrom’s said it was more lavender, but I’m thinking it’s kind of indigo…”

And Kate’s just like, “Don’t play games with me, mister. Where are the other two points of my love triangle?! Tell me. NOW.”

And Henry’s like, “One lump or two, dear? My, the wind’s a bit nippy today, would you like an afghan or something?”

“Oh and by the way, after tea I’m going to physically, mentally, and emotionally torture you and your little playmate.”

And Kate was thinking, “I just hope he’s not talking about Sawyer Jack Dom Sawyer.”

So then Jack is just like “I HAVE MAJOR DADDY ISSUES AND I THINK I MIGHT BE A STALKER”

And Jack’s dad is just like “Son….you just spit in my face.”

And then Jack was like “STOP DOING MY WIFE!!!!”

And then that Carl kid let Sawyer out of his cage, and Sawyer’s just like “I HAVE A CUNNING PLAN TO ESCAPE!”

And then the blow dart was like *PWNED*

But then he was like, “How is it that I get hotter the dirtier I get?” and we were all like NNNGGGGHHHHH

And then Carl was like, “Can you see my brain through my nostrils?”

So then Jack and his dad were like *WE ARE BONDING*

And Jack’s dad was just like “;SLDKFJ;LSDKJF;LKDSJF;LKSJDSK;LFDJSD”

And Jack was just like ;______;

And Jack and Juliet were like “WE ARE OBVIOUSLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER”

And Jack was like “ROOOOSE!!! NEVER LET GO ROSE! NEVER LET GO!!!!!”

And Rose was just like, “What you say, nigga?”

So then Sawyer is just like “I’m sick of cunning plans, I just feel like throwing my shoe around.”

And the machine is just like *FTW!!* and Sawyer is like “I WON!???”

*Does the Humpty Dance* “MY CUNNING PLAN WORKED!”

But then the fish biscuit machine was just like, *SRY, PWNED*

And then Kate was all like, *WIBBLE*

And Sawyer was just like, “Watch me play the part of the concerned guy.”

And Kate was thinking, “Should I tell him what the Tom guy said about his fine behind?”

And then Jack is just like *OMG MY TEAR DUCTS CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE*

But then he still managed to squeeze a few more tears out.

So then Benry Gale is like, “Neener neener, I win!”

So then Sun is all like, “I thought you were teaching me English, not French!” (bada bum ching!)

And Sun’s dad was like *OMG HEAD ABOUT TO EXPLODE*

And this Pickett guy is just like “I AM A PRICK. By the way, you can work naked if you want.”

And Sawyer’s just like “YES PLZ.”

And Kate’s just like, “OMG IHU. By the way…that beardy guy wants to make out with you.”

And Sawyer’s all like, “HE ONLY WANTS ME FOR MY BODY. AND I AM FINE WITH THAT.”

So then he’s like, “HEY BOSS! I HAVE A CUNNING PLAN TO ESCAPE!”

And the tazer is like *PWNED*

And after a quick recovery, he’s thinking “Man oh man, do I love Kate. I love her intellect, her warmth, her charisma, and that sweet ass of hers.”

And then Alex is just like “Psst! Next time you like, want to borrow my clothes you need to like, ask first, bitch.”

And then Jin is like “No one lets me play anymore” *pouts*

And Sayid was like, “Alright, you have an honest face. Just play nice, okay?”

And so Juliet is like *creepy weird smile*

And then Sawyer is like, “Look, you’re cute, but I’m only interested in chicks the Doc likes too…wait a second…

And Kate’s just like Nooooobody knows the trouble I’ve seen, Noooooobody knows the sorrooooowwww

And Sawyer is all like, “I HAVE A CUNNING PLAN TO ESCAPE! A sexy cunning plan…”

And Sawyer’s just like “I GOT TO FIRST BASE WITH KATE!!”

And the butt of Pickett’s gun is like *PWNED*

And Jin is all like, “I AM PLAYING NICE LIKE SAYID SAID”

And this guy’s all like “You have killed me with kindness.”

And that Colleen chick is like “YAY I’M ON LOST! HOW EXCITING! My career is really going places!”

But then Sun was like, “Um, yeah I don’t think so.”

And so Sawyer’s like, *swoon* “What light through yonder window breaks? Tis the east! And Juliet Kate is the sun!”

And Kate’s just like, “OMG I think he likes me likes me!”

And Benry is like, “Hello. Look Jack, it’s been like…2 entire hours since you’ve cried. What can I do to help? Fox and the Hound? Terms of Endearment? Baseball movie?”

And Jack was like, “You had me at hello.”

And Benry’s like, “Atta boy, Jackie.”

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