Lost Recap 6×14: The Candidate

May 9th, 2010 § 86 comments

This week on Lost, Jack can’t stop fixing Locke, Christian Shephard’s kids start bonding, Sawyer’s cunning plan of escape totally doesn’t work, and thanks to Smokey’s penchant for explosives, the death toll quickly rises.


“Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!”

Locke: Wait…I know you.
Jack: Right, we were on the same fli…
Locke: You’re that Party of Five guy!
Jack: No no, you must be mistaken.
Locke: But…but I could swear you’re him. You look just like him.
Jack:
Locke:
Jack: *clears throat awkwardly*
Locke: Wrong Sideways World?
Jack: Wrong Sideways World.

Locke: I’m in the hospital? Hey, wha happened?
Jack: Someone with Anti-Locke Brakes seems to have run you down in a parking lot. The bad news is you’re paralyzed from the waist down. The good news is you were totally already like that when you came here.
Locke: Well I’d say thanks right about now but somehow I feel like you’re not quite done trying to fix me.
Jack: So I think you’re a Candidate for this crazy new surgery that lets people with your kind of injury magically walk again!
Audience: *lol way early episode title*

And Locke’s like, “Oh…no thanks. I’ve got my wheelchair. It’s the best thing since legs.” And we’re all thinking Wow that’s what I thought he’d say except the total opposite!

And before Jack could even get out the words, “I’m a fixer, let me FIX YOU” Helen was up in his grill giving him hugs and stuff! Lucky for Locke, Helen’s not some hot Italian chick or else Jack would probably be making out with her in the parking garage by the commercial break.

***

“My dear guest, I am Mr. Jarrah, your host. Welcome to Fantasy Hydra Island.”

Jack: Why are we over here?
Sayid: To find ze plane, ze plane!
Ack’s Readers Born in the 90′s: I don’t know what that means.

***

Meanwhile, Widmore’s annoying lackies order Team Sawyer into the polar bear cages, but Sawyer’s not having it and he pulls a gun on Neville Longbottom! But Widmore puts the kibosh on any kind of resistance when he holds a gun to Kate’s head.

Widmore: I have a list of names, and Austen’s not one of them. It doesn’t matter to me if she lives or dies!
Audience: Welcome to our world.

But since Sawyer likes Kate more than most of us do, he gives in and everyone gets thrown into the cage.

Widmore: This is for your own good. It’s going to hurt me more than it hurts you.
Everyone in the Cage: Great. You’re the like abusive dad I ALREADY HAD.

***

So now Jack’s got it in his head that for whatever reason he needs to find out what caused Locke’s original spinal injury, so he goes snooping around at a dentist’s office…

“Dr. Nadler? I’m Dr. Jack Shephard, I’m here to…”

Bernard: Pork my wife? Yeah. I know. You made it pretty damn clear on the plane when you were undressing her with your eyes.
Jack: Uhhh…I’m not sure what you think happened on that plane, but…
Bernard: Deny it all you want, doc. But I know what a hot piece of tail my Rose is. She’s a babe. If she was president, she’d be Baberham Lincoln.
Jack: I have absolutely NO idea what you’re referring to. I was definitely not hitting on your wife. No way.
Bernard: Methinks thou dost protest too much.

“Look, I’m really here to ask you about a patient named John Locke you had a few years ago. I’m showing a ridiculous/creepy amount of interest in him, and I’ll bet anything you’ll remember right off the top of your head all the details of his case from 3 years ago.”

“Ah yes, John Locke. Suffered from a case of Spontaneous Dental Hydroplosion after an accident if memory serves. Here’s the name and A/S/L of the other man in the crash, I hope it helps. Finally all that time I spent memorizing my patients’ records came in handy.”

Jack: Thanks for your help. And say hi to Rose for me. After all, I do like my women like I like my coffee. Strong. Black. And proud.
Bernard: I knew it!

***
Mocke: Let’s go save some people!
Jack: Why should I trust you?
Mocke: Look, I am out here for YOU. You don’t know what it’s like to be ME out here for YOU. It’s an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege I will never fully tell you about, okay??
Jack:
Mocke: Help me help you. Help me help you. HELP ME HELP YOU!!!

Jack: You are hanging on by a very thin thread. And I dig that about you. Alright, I’m in!
Mocke: Great! BTW I could kill you all at any time. Just give me a good reason and you’re dead meat.
Jack: Well, now I really feel like trusting you.

***

Back in the cages, Kate’s all, “Widmore would have never killed me, I’m Kate Austen. I’m integral to the plot and stuff!” but Sawyer oh-so gently breaks it to her that while her name was on that cave with the others, it was crossed out, and therefore Widmore could give a flying frak if she survives the night!

“So I was thinking, possible last night on earth…you…me…polar bear cages…maybe we could…ya know…nudge nudge, wink wink, how’s your father?”

“Well, if you insist…I want to cry so bad, but I don’t think I can spare the moisture.”

Jin: You know what would be really weird? If during this scene we spoke to each other in English.
Sun: Seriously!
Jin: Our daughter is adorable, I can’t wait to finally meet her!

Sun: I have your wedding ring that magically never fell out of my pocket despite all the adventures I’ve been having!
Jin: I am the luckiest man alive! This really must be too good to be true!

Sun: I am so glad the writers finally have us in the same place at the same time! I’ve never been happier!
Audience: Ahhh finally!!! We feel so much better!
Lost Writers: Well this is awkward…

But before we had a chance to ask the writers what the problem was, an angry Dot Matrix-sounding mofo was flying through the jungle, totally annihilating everyone it came into contact with!

Including Neville Longbottom, who went down like a sack full of Mimulus Mimbletonia! Kate saw he had the key to the cage on his belt, and so she did a dramatic reenactment of that scene from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride!

But it really wasn’t necessary because Jack was there with Smokey, although he sadly didn’t ride him in waving a cowboy hat over his head.

Kate: What are you doing here??
Jack: I’m with him! *points to Smokey*
Kate: You’re with – what!? What a sell out!
Jack: I didn’t sell out Kate, I bought in!

Later on Iraqi Eeyore meets up with everyone in the jungle. “I know you want to shoot me. It’s okay. I don’t mind.”

But then Jack explains that Sayid helped them all escape from Widmore’s evil clutches! Plus, he could come in handy later on in case they needed to cash in on any of his MacGyver skills.

Jack: Like for instance, in case we need a radio fixed, or a bomb defused…
Audience: There had not better be a bomb!
Lost Writers: …ahem…

***

Back in the Sideways World, Jack is following up Bernard’s lead about this Anthony Cooper guy who was in the same accident with Locke. Of course he bumps into Helen at the hospital, and she’s like, “John said he didn’t want the surgery. You already saved his life. Why can’t that be enough?”

Jack’s reply managed to encapsulate his entire character in 3 words: “It just isn’t.” He is just the fixiest fixer that has ever fixed, apparently.

And then we see Cooper, who kind of looks like if Emperor Palpatine saw a ghost, had a stroke, and got struck by lightning simultaneously! But we didn’t give a shit because that dude is the World’s Biggest Dickhead!

(Although…the thought of Sawyer finding and killing this dude is just way too pathetic.)

“Well, this visit has really helped my quest to understand what happened to Locke. Not.”

(Sidenote: We all wondered how/why Locke got along with Cooper in the Sideways World – maybe this accident of theirs happened while Cooper was conning Locke out of a kidney, in which case Locke is better off this way! But I digress…)

***

They say this cat Mocke is a bad mother-
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
I’m talkin’ ’bout Mocke.
WE CAN DIG IT!

Step 1: Deflect bullets.
Step 2: Break red blue shirt necks.
Step 3: Swipe watch off dead guy to build bomb.
Step 4: Hey wait, how did you know you’d need a watch if you hadn’t even found the C-4 yet?
Step 5: Oh Mocke, you tricksy bastard.
Step 6: Climb up ladder stolen from Gilligan’s Island set.

While it wasn’t apparently news to Smokey, that whole plane was rigged with explosives! It was no surprise he took them, considering Locke (or the evil entity posing as Locke) + C-4 = giant fucking explosions!

Eventually everyone else shows up and they don’t even get excited about the plane – they know this whole plan is probably going to go right into the shitter faster than you could even list the other umpty-ump plans they’ve had to escape this confounded island.

Mocke: Widmore’s plan was obviously to get you all into a very confined space and then blow you all to kingdom come.
Everyone Else: Oh, the horror. The horror. *yawn*
Mocke: I’m so glad I caught it in time! *thinking* My, what a capital idea. Get them all into a confined space and then explode them. Perfect!
Everyone Else: What are we gonna do?
Mocke: Well, we need to keep you safe. Die! Die you little pissants!
Everyone Else: There really only seems to be one way off this island.
Mocke: Yes, in the icy grip of Death itself! MWA HA HA!!!!!!!

“…”

DAMN! Was that out loud?? “DID I SAY DEATH? I meant…uh…to the submarine!”

Claire: Hey Big Daddy, I’m really sorry I went with them on the boat. I should have stayed with you. But they were giving me puppy dog eyes and whatnot.
Mocke: It’s alright, Clairebear. Love means never having to say you’re sorry.
Audience: Stop being so rational, it’s making it much harder to hate you!

Sawyer: I am actually plotting against Smokey. Do you want to form a secret alliance with me?
Jack: Absolutely, I do.

“I learned from Jim, if Sawyer ever asks you to accept something secret, you reply, “Absolutely, I do.”

So it was settled – Jack still didn’t want to leave the island, but he’d keep Mocke from climbing inside the sub with everyone else.

***

Locke’s doing that thing that only ever happens on TV and in movies where he’s mumbling whole sentences in his sleep. He’s all, “Push the button,” and “I wish you would have believed me,” and “Don’t tell me what I can’t fondue” and whatever!

And Jack’s sitting there staring at him, and we’re all wondering if Jack, like House, only ever has one patient at a time, amiright??

Anyway Claire shows up to chat with her newfound bro, and her ridiculously fake pregnant belly actually detracts from her ridiculously fake wig for like 5 seconds.

Jack: Our father drank himself to death in Sydney. I just flew out there last week to bring his body home.
Claire: You are never going to believe this, but…
Jack: Let me guess, you were on Oceanic flight 815?
Claire: Oh em gee, are you psychic or something??
Jack: Dammit Claire, I’m a doctor, not a psychic! But I am starting to sense a theme going on here.

Apparently Christian left Claire this music box that plays “Catch a Falling Star!” Either he was a huge Perry Como fan, or this totally means something. (After all, some other crazy jungle preggo we know had a music box that she loved, riiight?)

And then Jack and Claire did the mirror thing, which is just all the rage these days.

“Look, I know we just met, but I have a spare bedroom in my house that I’d like you to stay in. It’s really for my son, but we just recently reconciled and I don’t see that lasting very long.”

Claire: Wow. Wow. Everyone acts like Americans are so selfish, but you guys are SO NICE! I have a new carjacker BFF, that Scottish guy forced me to see his lawyer friend who told me my whole family history, and now my total stranger half-brother is asking me to move in with him. Amazing! So yes! the answer is yes, Joe. I will stay with you.
Jack: Jack. My name’s Jack.
Claire: Right, Jack. Thanks, brother. I’ll try not to let my water break on your carpet.

***

Meanwhile, the gang has found the sub, and they are ready to perform a hostile takeover. Good thing they all stopped at Guns R Us on the way, it would have sucked if they weren’t all inexplicably armed!

At first, Sawyer’s cunning escape plan seems to be working! They get people down into the sub, a couple of seamen (lol) get conked on the head and voila! The sub is theirs, and even though they’re happy their plan worked, no doubt this thing will go down in Lost cannon as the Submarine of Sorrow or something ;_;

They just don’t know it yet.

Mocke: Don’t stay behind, come with us!
Jack: No thanks.
Mocke: Do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone on this island? I want you on Team Smokey 4 lyfe!
Jack: You don’t want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel. So long, Mocke.
Mocke: Whoever told you you had to stay here was wrong! They had no idea what they were talking about! You can’t stay here!
Jack: In the immortal words of John Locke, DON’T. TELL. ME. WHAT. I. CAN’T. DO!!!!!

And he threw him in the water!!!! But the joke is on Jack because before this outburst, Mocke switched his C-4 pack with Jack’s. UH-OH.

And then Kate got shot!!!

Half of the Audience: YAY!!!!!!
Other Half of the Audience: NOOO!!!!!!!!!

Ah yes, doctors are shooting people. Must be Tuesday.

And then Smokey proved he likes going in the water as much as my cats do! Which is to say not at all!

Everyone but Claire and Smokey are in the sub now, and Mocke picks off Widmore’s goons one by one while showing off his moobs in that soaking wet t-shirt of his.

Sawyer makes a quick decision to leave Smokey and Claire behind! Half because they are dangerous and half because staring at those moobs has him a little turned on!

So they start to dive, and at first Mocke’s acting like he still wants on, but then Claire realizes they’re leaving without them, and Mocke immediately flips and he’s like, “You don’t want to be on that sub. Bad things will go boom inside. Now let’s go for some ice cream, my treat.”

***

Down in the sub, every single character is playing the exact role we’ve all come to expect!

Kate: Where is Claire? I’M GOING BACK.
Jack: Oh no you’re not, you’ve been shot, you’re staying right here!
Kate: Okay, only if you say so Jack.

*finds bomb* “I’VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE.”

“SON OF A BITCH.”

“DUDE. MAN? DUDE.”

*stands around and watches*

“I CAN DEFUSE THIS BOMB. MAYBE. I’m going to need a slap bracelet, some Gruyère cheese, a wheat penny, and a ball peen hammer.”

“NO. SMOKEY CAN’T KILL US, HE WANTS US TO KILL EACH OTHER. IF WE DEFUSE THIS BOMB HE WINS! DON’T YOU SEE? WE ARE PLAYING RIGHT INTO HIS PLAN, BUT IT IS OUR FATE TO MAKE IT OUT OF THIS SUBMARINE ALIVE! MAN OF SCIENCE MAN OF FAITH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!!”

Sawyer: I’M GONNA DO IT!
Jack: NO! DIDN’T YOU JUST HEAR ANYTHING I SAID??
Sawyer: HAVEN’T YOU EVER SEEN THIS SHOW?? YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK AND THEN I DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE!

So Sawyer pulls out the wires since no one could find any pennies or cheese, and for one brief moment we think that it actually worked!!!

BUT THEN THE THING STARTS TICKING DOWN EVEN FASTER!!!!!!!! AGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Sayid: There is a well on the island. Desmond is inside. Mocke wants him dead which means you’re going to need him.
Jack: Why are you telling me this!?
Sayid: Because it’s going to be you, Jack!
Jack: WAIT WHAT!?
Audience: YEAH WAIT WHAT!?

And before we even realize what is happening, and before we have any time to even begin to think about saying our goodbyes to Sayid, who has sucked this year but we still loved him anyway, he grabs the bomb and goes running off into the other side of the sub, and explodes like a goddamn suicide bomber.

Way to perpetuate stereotypes, Lost.

JUST KIDDING, LOST. He exploded himself to save the others, which is noble and heroic and the nicest thing he’s ever done.

GOODBYE, SAYID. ;_; We’ll miss your tank tops and torcha schrunchies and creepy long nails and questionable morals and dead girlfriends and your flat-ironed flashforward hair and the way you killed bad guys with both your feet and large household appliances. SIGH.

Frank gets nailed by a door leaving us all wondering is he dead?? Is he alive?? (PSST – Listen to this week’s Official Lost Podcast for the answer!)

Anyway the bomb ripped a hole in the side of the sub, so this thing’s filling with water fast!! Hurley grabs Kate and they swim to safety!!!

But Sun is pinned to the wall!!! All the guys try and pry her free, but no dice! And then Sawyer gets smashed on the head and gets knocked out cold!!!

Jack grabs Sawyer and tries to help the Kwons, but they force him to go on without them!!! And that’s when we all started to Jear up a little ;_;

Jin: Know what would be really weird right now? If we spoke to each other in English while we both drown.
Sun: And also forget our daughter.
Jin: What daughter?
Sun: Exactly!

But Sun told him to go and save himself, and it was super sad!

But Jin told her that he was never going to leave her again!! Which was even MORE sad!!!!!!

Sun: I love you, Jack!
Jin: Don’t you do that, don’t say your goodbyes!
Sun: I’m so cold.
Jin: Listen, Rose. You’re gonna get out of here, you’re gonna go on and make lots of babies, and you’re gonna watch them grow. You’re gonna die an old… an old lady warm in her bed, but not here, not this night. Not like this, do you understand me?
Sun: I can’t feel my body.

Jin: You must do me this honor, Rose. Promise me you’ll survive. That you won’t give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.
Sun: I promise.
Jin: Never let go.
Sun: I’ll never let go. I’ll never let go, Jack!

Jack: Do you hear someone talking about us?
Rose: Oh good, you heard it too?

So despite the fans’ constant pleas, we had to go through yet ANOTHER super slo-mo underwater death scene, only this one was two people and not just one.

BRB. CRYING FOREVER. ;___________;

***

“So I know this was totally stalkery of me to do, but I talked to your dentist and your dad, and I’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t let your daddy issues hinder your ability to let me fix you. And also walk.”

As it turns out, John “FML” Locke crashed a tiny plane a few years ago and his dad was riding with him. The accident paralyzed Locke and turned his father into Palpatine, and so as is the Lost way, he’s punishing himself for something he most likely had no control over in the first place!

Jack: Trust me, All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues, but you can’t blame yourself for The Incident. Whatever Happened, Happened! You just weren’t cut out to be a Pilot! And anyway, who cares? The Whole Truth is he was a Confidence Man and you were Left Behind to be Raised by Another. The Collision was probably for The Greater Good! It didn’t have to be The Beginning of the End. Let me do the surgery. It could really Do No Harm, and then maybe you’ll live Happily Ever After.
Locke: …no.
Jack: Some Like it Hoth?
Locke: No! You can’t handle your own daddy issues, so stay out of mine! Later, Jater.

As he rolled his way down the corridor, Locke heard Jack say, “I wish you believed me,” which reminded him of this dream he just had the other night…something about buttons, polar bears, hatches, and time travel. And for some reason…fondue.

***

So while the last of the Submarine of Sorrow sunk sadly to the ocean floor, Hurley, Kate, Jack, and Sawyer all made it to the beach relatively intact.

(Sidenote: I know a lot of people had something to say about all the minorities being killed in the sub, but seriously guys, Lost has had people of every color and race on this show over the last 6 seasons. Much more than most other shows. Don’t forget that when they happen to kill off 3 of them.)

When Kate learned about Sun and Jin’s watery demise, she started crying, which wasn’t so bad since she does it all the damn time…

But then HURLEY lost it, which NEVER happens, and so since HE was bawling, WE all started bawling!!! The snot was flying fast and loose, the tears were streaming down our faces, and for once we think, “You know, it would actually be okay if Jack cried right now!”

AND GOD SAID LET THERE BE JEARS. AND IT WAS GOOD. Albeit hilarious considering he walked away from the group to cry the one time it was socially acceptable to cry in front of them.

But it’s aight because those were some pretty epic Jears, you guys. ;________________;

***

Oblivious as ever Claire’s like, “Big Daddy? I was promised ice cream. Let’s do this thing.”

But Mocke had to skip it for now, as much as he loved Chunky Monkey. Not only did he somehow know the sub sank, but he also knew some of the Candidates survived. And that shit just wasn’t gonna fly.

You can find all my Lost Recaps HERE.

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§ 86 Responses to Lost Recap 6×14: The Candidate"

  • Susan says:

    Brilliant – clever and hilarious as always. So appreciate all the work that must go into these recaps. I will certainly miss them.
    On a brighter note, TRUE BLOOD season 3 premieres June 13! (hint, hint . . . )

  • Keeks says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha, I totally recognized that “dramatic reenactment of that scene from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride!”

  • slyfox says:

    nuthin more to say but ‘bleeping brilliant’! what talent you possess!

  • Janice says:

    OMG the Jack and Rose exchange! HilARIOUS. So many good things in this recap considering the episode was like the saddest thing ever.

  • P@ says:

    There are no words for how brilliant this recap is. You’ve truly outdone yourself here. The Dawson gif had me laughing for a good ten minutes straight. Every time I would recover, and think I’d be okay, I’d look at it again, and start cracking up all over again.

    Also, “Doctors shooting people. Must be Tuesday.” Ha! Too true. Although, sadly, only for 2 more Tuesdays. :(

  • Fray says:

    Star Trek: The Original Series, Airplane! AND and Pee Wee Herman reference FTW! I do love these recaps and will miss them beyond belief!

  • LittleFace says:

    See, at first, I was all like, “Don’t write that, it’s creepy!” but then I was all, “No way, man! Ack is the ONLY ONE who loves Lost like I do…SHE’S THE ONLY ONE THAT UNDERSTANDS ME!!!!!” *cuts self just to feel something* :oP

  • flaknitter01 says:

    I’m guessing Ack saw “Jerry Maguire” Saturday on TBS, as well. Best possible use of “Absolutely, I do”! Kate getting shot could be the best thing that’s evah happened on this show – if only it were three inches lower and in the center of her chest, or even a painful, slow death gut shot!

  • CKMac says:

    “My dear guest, I am Mr. Jarrah, your host. Welcome to Fantasy Hydra Island.”

    And somewhere out there cries a voice, “KHAAAAAAN!!”

  • Rosie says:

    This was HILARIOUS!! I can’t even choose which was the funniest part.

  • mojomom says:

    what does BRB mean?

  • Anonymous says:

    Poor Flocke and his moobs; no one told him that all he has to do is click those moobies together three times and say “there’s no place like home”

  • LostTeaParty says:

    I came up anon?? for previous comment? I am lost already

  • Willedit says:

    I do love your “Wayne’s World” references!

  • CHUCK PEDANO says:

    NICE SLC PUNK REFERENCE! DO YOU THINK JACK WAS RIGHT AND THAT THE BOMB WOULDNT HAVE EXPLODED IF SAWYER DIDN’T MESS WITH IT?

  • Scott S. says:

    Ack – Great recap as always.

    Chuck – I do. Because MIBLocke knows them all too well and he knew that Sayid would try to fix it at least, so he rigged it that way, because like Jack said, he can’t kill the candidates himself so he needs other people to do it for him. But it’s all speculation and irrelevant at this point. We will find out his true motivation tomorrow! Can’t wait.

  • Christina R says:

    Excellent recap, as usual! I love all your references. I don’t know if it gets much better than PeeWee’s Big Adventure ;). And I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one who thought of the Rose/Jack paralells during that scene. Hurley crying=me crying. So dead on! I’m going to miss your recaps…

  • Nikki says:

    Loved the Jack/Rose bit.. In my recap, I totally called it their “Titanic”-moment.

  • dawn says:

    Rachel Ack, you complete me. Your recaps are better than vanilla ice cream topping warm apple pie, better than flying a kite on a windy day, even better than the miracle that is aerosol cheese. Never change, kid.

  • sarahmc says:

    OMG Ack you’ve done it again! During the whole Jin/Sun water scene I was totally thinking “Ack is gonna do Titanic – I can’t wait!” LOL You, my dear, are mind-boggling. I don’t know how in the world you do it. How long does it take you to put one of these together? Is your mind working like crazy while you’re watching the show? Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!!!

  • deeds says:

    wheat penny bahahaha

  • Robin Williams Knuckles says:

    Anti-Locke Brakes! One of your best, and that’s saying a lot.

  • JennB33 says:

    I loved the Arrested Development ref…. “I’ve made a huge tiny mistake”….

    Awesome. Your knowledge of pop culture should be noted in the Guinness Book of World Records or something.

  • Sonja says:

    WAIT!

    “(Sidenote: I know a lot of people had something to say about all the minorities being killed in the sub, but seriously guys, Lost has had people of every color and race on this show over the last 6 seasons. Much more than most other shows. Don’t forget that when they happen to kill off 3 of them.)”

    Hurley is HISPANIC, non?

  • Ack says:

    @SarahMC

    I don’t know how in the world you do it. How long does it take you to put one of these together?

    It takes me about 11-12 hours per recap! I rewatch the episode, taking notes the entire time, then I sit down, start writing, and about 11 hours later it’s all done. It takes forever, but it’s worth it :D

  • Signature One-Punch Knockout says:

    @LostTeaParty

    but my sistah just called from NOLA and said she saw Daniel Dae Kim at the bar and got to freakin speak to him a take a freakin photo with him!!!!!!!! Yea Jin, you rock in the real world!!! Go Jewel!!

    Dude, that is awesome.

    And while I do see that the treatment of those characters as potentially problematic, what I don’t see is anyone storming out in a huff declaring that they’re never going to watch Lost again. The only ones who think it’s impossible to point out inconsistencies about a show and enjoy it at the same time are the ones who find it convenient to argue against strawmen. No one’s losing out because this isn’t a race war of any kind, it’s a civil discussion.

    (and since no one asked – the “i’m a POC and i didn’t find it offensive” holds about as much water as “i have a friend who’s black and he’s ok with it”, which is to say it doesn’t. hurley gets to live because no one takes him seriously. i don’t think it’s subversive for the iraqi dude to detonate himself to prove he’s not going to detonate others, it reinforces an us vs. them idea. if the writers can dream up smoke monsters and polar bears, i’m sure they could have dreamed up a fate for sayid/jin/sun where they don’t die, as they are literally paid to have an imagination. and yes, while i didn’t like that sun and jin died, i still thought it was an artistically beautiful and well-crafted scene. these are personal opinions which happen to fall on the “i think it’s a little suspicious…” side. no one’s claiming it’s black or white [SERIOUSLY no pun intended on any level.])

    All other issues aside, I mentioned somewhere else that I still thought there was a method to Smokey’s madness. After all this happened, this was the first time I ever found myself rooting for the flash-sideways storyline. I’m hoping (like fingers-crossed, eyes-squeezed shut hoping) that, er, what they died for, is to somehow make the sideways world more real. My theory is that the sideways-world is what would’ve happened if Smokey had touched them instead of Jacob. In which case Smokey’s not darkness and evil, he’s just…darkness and different — and now he’s running around the island trying to get his own reality back. Darlton, make it so!

  • LostinEmotion says:

    Ack,

    I know I always say you make me laugh out loud. This time, I wanted statistical proof. So I counted. I LOL’ed 11 times during this recap. That is only counting actual guffaws and Steve Urkel-like snort-laughs. If I counted mere chuckles or titters, the court would surely be higher.

    (I still had to skip over the Jin and Sun part. Not. Ready. Yet. ;-( ).

    Girl, YOU ROCK!! And I co-sign the notion that I would buy a book of your recaps. You should talk to Darlton about this . . . . Perhaps it can be part of a DVD set!

  • Jewel says:

    Hi Ack! I am LostTeaParty’s sister! I just got back from New Orleans and I couldn’t believe I happened to walk into a bar and I saw “Jin” sitting at the bar! My friend walked up to him and whispered “I thought you were dead?” and he went SSHHHHhhhhh! Then he let us take a picture with him DVKMSKFJKSDJFKLJAFDKJ AKSDFIEWFV;LSDKFJSKLDFS
    ASKVME;JTALS;KVNAFKJGLNFSDLKITU8EWL;INVKSDML,MCX,MVFKVMDSKN!!!!!
    Couldn’t wait to get to my computer and tell everybody! BEST. VACATION. EVER.!!!

  • Rachel says:

    One of the best recaps EVER!!!

  • Grace says:

    Awesome Office references… where do you store all that stuff in your head??

  • Stepahniepace says:

    Everytime i read your recaps, I honestly wonder how i didn’t find this blog before last week. You say the EXACT things my best friend and i say as we OBSESS over LOST. By obsess i mean wear Lost shirts while waiting in a movie theater for 4 hours for the premieres and season finales. We consider you one of our soulmates.

  • Ack says:

    @StephaniePace LOL I like to pride myself in being one of the Hurleys of the audience – I’m saying what you guys are all thinking!

    I’m always down for more soulmates :D

  • Dave says:

    The dot matrix printer line–so true!

    And your tribute to all the things we love about Sayid was great!

    But the bit with Jack and Rose on the beach was the funniest part!

  • sassynach says:

    GOODBYE, SAYID. ;_; We’ll miss your tank tops and torcha schrunchies and creepy long nails

    Oh God, I thought I was the only one who noticed the LONG ASS FINGERNAILS. Sayid running off with the bomb was when I started bawling and my heart ached so much I actually worried about my health for a moment.

    Loved the Jack/Rose bit. LOL…while still sad about Sun/Jin, o’course. ;)

    Gonna miss the recaps when it’s all over! :(…

  • Kay says:

    LMAO, the titanic reference AND THE JEARS!!!!! Too good! Gawd, I loved the whole episode title thing, who would think to do that! IT’s too good, too good, my cheeks hurt.

  • Justina says:

    ‘Later on Iraqi Eeyore meets up with everyone in the jungle. “I know you want to shoot me. It’s okay. I don’t mind.”’

    Pure brillance

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