Lost Recap 6×10: The Package

April 4th, 2010 § 80 comments

This week on Lost, Sun bumps her head, Jin gets tied up, Mocke and Widmore declare war, Desmond sees a mermaid, and Patchy’s vision gets considerably worse.


First things first, either Predator is lurking around in the bushes or someone’s got some fancy shmancy night goggles! Either way we quickly realize that Sawyer looks just as good in green as he does in blue!

“So here’s the deal, Chief. I’ve seen the writing on the Wall, and it says you and me and your pretty little wife need to blow this pop stand, capisce?”

Jin: But Sun’s not here.
Mocke: Au contraire!
Jin: Wonderful. I am thrilled. Go and get her while I not-so-stealthily run away.
Mocke: Try to contain your enthusiasm. You’re being awfully VAPID.
ABC: This scene has been brought to you by the Letter V, on in 59 minutes!

***

Over in Sideways World, Jin is having a little communication breakdown with the airport cop, who, despite knowing that Jin speaks NO ENGLISH is still giving him this big explanation about how to get his $25,000 back!

Jin: Where’s my money? You gonna give me my money? Where’s my money, man??
Airport Cop: Why does this man insist on babbling at me in Korean, I don’t understand him! But I do expect him to understand me!
Jin: WHERE’S MY MONEY, MAN?

When Sun asks Jin what the money is for, he admits that he has no frakking idea! He tells Sun that he does whatever her father tells him to do because All the Best Hit Men Have Daddy-in-Law Issues!

So they get to their hotel, and when the guy behind the counter assumes that the two of them are married, Jin starts laughing and snapping his fingers in circles!

Jin: If she liked it then she shoulda putta ring on it!
Guy Behind Counter: Sister, PREACH!

***

Meanwhile Iraqi Eeyore strikes again, and he’s all “Ohhhh bother…I can’t feel anything anymore…no happiness…no sadness…no pent up rage…no remorse over killing a frillion people…I don’t even want to torcha…I feel like…I’m caught inside the swirling winds of a snore-nado…”

“Hey Mopey – I know it’s a Sun and Jin episode, but perk the hell up, we’ve got a couple of surprises up our sleeve!”

And Sawyer’s trying to get Jin to stay in Camp Locke-awana, but Jin’s not having it! He’s going to find Sun. That is, until out of nowhere we hear something whizzing through the air, and everyone starts dropping like flies, and we’re like “Whoops dart to your neck!”

Of course it’s these two jackasses from Team Widmore and their band of merry men. Making themselves even more unlikable than they already were, they knock EVERYONE out just to kidnap Jin! Who was about to run away anyway! Slowly, might I add! After all, how fast can you run when your leg is all bear trapped??

***

Back on the beach, everyone’s hanging around the kitchen table and Ben’s asking all these questions like “hhhhWhat do we do now?” and “hhhhWhy are we just sitting around?” and as it turns out, Ilana’s waiting for Richard to come back, despite the fact that he had just run off screaming about El Diablo the night before!

And when the Sun-bot heard this, her mechanisms began to malfunction and finally, after like 9 episodes of having zero personality, she stabbed her knife into the table and ran off!

Jack, sensing Sun’s anguish, picked up a bottle of water to replenish his moisture and was like, “Never fear! Jears Man is here!”

Miles: Sarcastic comment!
Lapidus: Witty reponse!

So Sun runs off to be alone in her garden, and Jears Man doesn’t take the hint and tries to comfort her. And we all know how good he is at that…

“There was this lighthouse! With all our names on it! We’re special, Sun! We are the chosen ones! This is our destiny! The stars have aligned! Other cliches!”

“YOU THINK I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT BEING THE CHOSEN ONE? YOU THINK I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT MY DESTINY? YOU THINK I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU? OR ANY OF THESE PEOPLE? I HAVEN’T SEEN MY HUSBAND IN 3 YEARS! I ABANDONED MY DAUGHTER IN KOREA TO COME HERE AND FIND JIN AND NOW ALL WE’RE DOING IT SITTING AROUND ON OUR ASSES, WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN!? I’M MAD AS HELL! AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!”

Jears Man: That was…wow. Bravo, Sun. Way to embrace those angry feelings. I’m so proud of y…
Sun: STFU AND GTFO BEFORE I SLAP YOU UPSIDE THE HEAD A COCONUT.
Jears Man: I’ll just be going now.

***

And then we found out what Sun was wearing under that oppressive beige cardigan of hers!!!

“Udders?” :)

*humming Papa Don’t Preach*

“Udders!?” :)

“UDDERS!!!!!!” :D

***

So a while later, Mocke rolls up to Sun’s garden party.

“Sun! How lovely to see you again! Your garden is looking absolutely splendiferous! I’ve come with an invitation. I WANT YOU! FOR THE MOCKE ARMY OF CHAMPIONS!”

Sun: No!! You killed all those people at the temple!!
Mocke: They were confused. Just like you are now. They didn’t want to come with me, so they had to die. But you should come with me. I will never make you do anything against your will unless you don’t do everything I say!
Sun: That doesn’t make sense! You’re a monster!
Mocke: Aw come on – let bygones be bygones!

So Sun runs away, and even though Mocke could just turn into Smokey and catch her in like 3 seconds, he’s like “You silly mortals with your fear and your will to live and your fight or flight responses…” and he runs after her on foot.

And since she’s running like the devil’s chasin’ her (which I mean in the most literal sense) she runs herself straight into a tree branch and knocks herself out, proving that while she may be a Candidate, she is still quite VINCIBLE!

ABC: This scene has been brought to you by the Letter V, on in 47 minutes!

***

Back in the Sideways World, Sun and Jin wake up after an udderly passionate night, and Sun’s all, “Let’s run away together! I have an account full of cash that I took from Daddy Paik! I’m sure this can’t end badly!”

And then she tells him that she has something important to tell him. We have a feeling it might be about her having a bun in the oven, and not that she saved a lot by switching to Geico or something.

She checks her Sideways Wig (Swig?) in the mirror, and we’re all like “OH SNAP, SHE’S LOOKING AT THE (WO) MAN IN THE MIRROR!”

JUST LIKE JACK DID!

AND SAWYER DID!

AND KATE DID!

AND HURLEY DID!

AND LOCKE DID!

AND SAYID DID!

AND BEN DID!

EEENTERESTING! *scratches chin contemplatively*

Anyway Jin runs and hides in the bathroom, and Sun opens the door and sees Keamy’s ugly mug, which frankly can never be a good sign.

***

Ben was out “gathering mangoes” when he found Sun unconscious on the ground! And he’s asking her what happened, but she’s all like “;lsfjadl;kjf;lakdsjfl;kasdjfs” and he can’t understand a damn word she’s saying!

Sun: asdlf’l;dsakfl;sd LOCKE ;dslkf’;alsdkf;lasd
Ben: Oh yippee, more subtitles.

***

Then Mocke goes back to his camp, and apparently he missed the memo because it’s obviously nap time!

Mocke: Did I tell you to let them all take a nap!? CHRIST. Now I’ll never be able to get them down tonight and everyone’s going to be cranky!!
Sayid: Sigh. We were attacked.
Mocke: WHERE IS JIN!? WHO ATTACKED YOU??
Sayid: Looked like…Tina Fey and Neville Longbottom…

***

Jin wakes up and he’s totally in Room 23!!! Which is awesome for us, but bad for him!

He flips the “Insta-Rave” switch and the music and lights and crazy brainwashy messages pop up immediately. Luckily he knew to turn it off right away, which is a good thing considering how VOLATILE mind control can be!

ABC: THIS SCENE WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER V, ON IN 38 MINUTES. IF YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED YET. I KNOW WE WERE SUBTLE ABOUT IT SO WE JUST THOUGHT WE’D REMIND YOU GUYS. V.

And this stupid poor man’s Tina Fey shows up again, and she’s getting less likable with every moment that goes by! And she’s all, “I think you know a little somethin’ somethin’ about the Dharma Initiative, don’t you Mr. Kwon?”

Jin likes her as much as we do, so he goes to leave. But just like every other Other that has come before her, she conveniently has a Tazer, and before he can say “Don’t taze me bro!” she shocks the shit out of him.

She shows Jin these maps she’s got of the island that apparently came from the Dharma Initiative. They show all the Hot Pockets of energy! And Groovy 70′s Jin signed off on them 30 years/1 week ago!

“Now tell me where these Hot Pockets are! Now!!!”

Jin: This is the worst customer service ever. I demand to speak to your manager.
Tina Fey: Blerg!

***

Mocke: Sayid, are you a good swimmer?
Sayid: Well, I’m not so much a good swimmer as I am a hilarious swimmer.
Mocke: Works for me. Go get your swimmies. We’re taking a trip.

Mocke: What’s the matter, Claire Bear?
Claire: My name’s not on the cave, so you don’t need my help.
Mocke: Nonsense, my little buttercup! Kate’s name’s not on the cave either, and we need her!
Claire: But if this works and we all get off the island, Aaron will still think Kate’s his mother. He doesn’t even know me.

Mocke: Once Kate has served her purpose we can arrange a little AX-ident, if you catch my drift. *WINK* Whatever Happens, Happens.
Audience: *lol old episode title*
Claire: I love you, Daddy Mocke.
Mocke: Come give Papa Smokey the Bear a hug.

When Sawyer catches wind that Mocke and Sayid are taking their little boating trip, he’s like, “Can’t you just turn into smoke and fly your ass over there?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Now if you would excuuuse me, I need to take my zombie friend here to the other island so I can start a war with a billionaire and some scientists, get off this island, and end the world. Good day to you sir.”

***

Back at the Heartbreak Hotel, Keamy’s lackey did a 3 second search of the room and found Jin standing there (thankfully shirtless) in the bathroom.

Just like that dumbass at the airport, Keamy insists on trying to have an entire conversation with two people who don’t understand a goddamn thing he’s saying. So he sends for a certain Russian guy who can speak 9 languages and make a mean glass of lemonade. A certain Russian name – MIKHAEL!!!!!

;DF’LDSKF’;LASDKFL;DS PATCHY! HOW WE’VE MISSED YOU! You’re looking so…binocular these days! Good for you, buddy!

And for those of you who didn’t recognize him…

So thanks to Patchy’s help, Sun and Jin explain that the money they owe Keamy got taken away at the airport, but Sun’s got some Rainy Day money stashed away in the bank! She’ll give him her money under one condition – that he doesn’t spill the beans about their little tryst to Daddy Paik, who as we know is a humungous douche.

***

Ben: I didn’t hurt her, I swear! How come no one believes me!?
Ilana: Because you’re The Boy Who Cried I-Found-Them-Laying-There-Unconscious!

Jears Man is explaining to Sun that she is suffering from aphasia (which is totally real, btw) so she can understand what everyone’s saying, but she can no speak-a the Inglés!

Jack: Don’t worry Sun! My brave little soldier! We will fix you yet!
Sun: Korean, motherfucker. DO YOU SPEAK IT!?

Miles: So she hits her head and now she can’t speak English? That’s believable.
Lapidus: Says the guy that talks to dead people and time traveled to the 70′s to hang out with his dad a few months after he was born.
Miles: Hey you know what, pal? You can just suck my – oh, just forget it. I can’t stay mad at that face.
Lapidus: Still got it.

And just then a certain Don Draper-looking mofo struts back onto the beach, sporting a hot new accessory! The bitch is back!

Richard: Pack your bags, we’re going on a VOYAGE.
ABC: 25 MINUTES!!! Surely someone somewhere cares about this show coming back, right! V!!

***

So Mocke shows up on the other island, and he is immediately peppered with bullets, none of which do jack shit to him, and Neville Longbottom comes out of the brush and is all freaking out, but Smokey just gives him a smile and says “I come in peace!”

(Which is something aliens say, which I’m sure ABC had nothing to do with.)

As it turns out, Widmore used Cylon pylon technology to build himself a little electric fence that Smokey can’t penetrate! Since he felt safe and sound on the other side of the fence, Widmore thought it was time to get down to brass tacks.

It was time for an Old White Bald Man Stand Off.

Mocke: Gimme Jin.
Widmore: I don’t got Jin.
Mocke: I think your pants are on fire, you liar.
Widmore: Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?
Mocke: I do bite my thumb, sir.

Mocke: A wise man once said “Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.”
Widmore: Yes, but the same wise man also said “Nitwit! Oddment! Blubber! Tweak!”
Mocke: Touch̩. But enough of these pleasantries Рgive me Jin or else you shall rue the day you crossed the Man in Black!
Widmore: Bring it on.
Mocke: Oh – it’s already been broughten.
Neville Longbottom: Oh snap, sir. I believe you just got served.

***

So Richard explains that in order to stop Smokey from leaving the island, they’re going to have to destroy the Ajira plane because his dead wife told him to!

And Sun’s like, “YOUR DEAD WIFE TOLD YOU TO!? WELL THE ONLY WAY I’M GOING TO GET MY ALIVE HUSBAND OFF THIS ISLAND IS IF THAT PLANE ISN’T DESTROYED!!! AND IF I’M THE UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE JACK TOLD ME I AM, YOU CAN’T DO SHIT WITHOUT ME, SO YOU CAN ALL KISS MY TINY ASIAN ASS.”

And she stomped off! Everyone stood there politely pretending to be offended, but really that just sounded like “;ALKDJFL;KAJLKFJDSKLJAFSKFJKSLD!” to them.

***

Meanwhile Patchy has Sun at the bank, and as it turns out, not only did her father know about this ~*secret*~ account of hers, but he freaking closed it!! PSH!

Sun: Why would he have done that!?
Patchy: Because he is a power tool.

And for the millionth time this episode, someone gives a big monologue to person who CAN’T UNDERSTAND THEM. WHY LOST, WHY!?

Keamy could have been talking about global warming or a good recipe for guacamole for all Jin knew, but we know that he was actually telling him that Mr. Paik DID know about Sun and Jin’s affair, and that money and watch were his payment to whack Jin!

And in a very rare moment of insight, Keamy actually empathized with Jin for a split second!

Keamy: The heart wants what the heart wants.
Jin: BOAT?
Keamy: Some people just aren’t meant to be together.
Jin: GUN?
Keamy: I’m going to tape your mouth shut now.
Jin: …BOAT?

“Hey I’m gonna go make some eggs, you want some? I make good eggs. Scramble ‘em? Fry ‘em? Boil ‘em? Fertilize ‘em?”

*muffled* UH – THOSE PANTS DON’T MAKE YOU LOOK FAT?

***

So poor man’s Tina Fey gets scolded by Widmore, who apparently didn’t realize that you don’t hire a scientist to do the work of a mercenary (unless their name is Radzinsky, amiright??)

Widmore: What the hell were you thinking? This war has a very specific timetable! The capture of Jin wasn’t supposed to happen until Thursday, right after the biting of the thumbs, you nincompoop!
Tina Fey: DAMMIT WIDMORE, I’M A GEOPHYSICIST, NOT A SOLDIER!

Anyway, Widmore tells Jin that he found Sun’s camera in the Ajira plane. For the first time ever Jin got to see Ji-Yeon!!! And it was really cute!!! Although why the hell would she have a banner that said HAPPY BIRTHDAY in English if she lived in Korea? lol

Banner or not, it was super sad because Jin probably thought he’d never see either one of them again. So we got some Jiears, which was fine because we never see those.

Widmore: I know what it’s like to be apart from your daughter. It hurts.
Jin: I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s actually your fault we got separated. The freighter? Remember?
Widmore: Ohh right. Woopsie daisy! Let me make it up to you – I’m here to stop the monster.
Jin: What happens if you don’t succeed?
Widmore: To put it lightly, EVERYTHING WILL CEASE TO BE.

Jin: He seemed like such a nice guy.
Widmore: He is not to be trusted. First he screws me, then he screws you. It’s Dutch door action.
Jin: Yikes! Well then, you’d better show me your package.
Audience: *LOL audience title double entendre*

***

POP QUIZ: You’re tied up by a bunch of thugs in a restaurant’s freezer. No one can understand you, nor you them. You hear multiple gun shots fire. What do you do?

a.) Stay quiet and hope to god no one finds you in there.
b.) BANG ON THE DOOR WITH YOUR FEET SO WHOEVER JUST KILLED A BUNCH OF PEOPLE CAN MOST LIKELY COME AND KILL YOU TOO.

Luckily for Jin, that killer was just Sayid!

Sayid: I’m awfully non-chalant considering I just killed a room full of people.
Jin: FREE?
Sayid: I think the writers forgot that Sideways me stills knows how to feel feelings.
Jin: FREE?
Sayid: Bored now.
Jin: FREE!!!?
Sayid: I don’t know/care who you are, so I’ll just give you this little razor and call it a day. Ciao.

And just then Sun and Patchy swing by, and as it turns out they ALSO missed the memo because it was nap time for the bad guys too. (Only these guys had all had a dose of Tylenol PWN.M. administered by Nurse Jarrah!)

Keamy never dies on the first try!! He must really be a VILLAIN!

ABC: 6 MINUTES!!!!! JUST IN CASE ANYONE FORGOT!!!!!

So Jin gets Patchy at gun point, and even though we all know what’s about to happen we kind of hope it doesn’t!

AND JIN AND PATCHY BOTH GO FOR THE GUN! AND PATCHY’S ALL “YOU’LL SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT, KID!”

And since the universe has a way of course-correcting, that was the end of Patchy’s Sideways World eye, and maybe Patchy himself! GROSS!!

But since this Russian S.O.B. is the one who killed our little Charlie, we didn’t feel too bad about it.

But apparently that wasn’t enough action! SUN GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE CROSSFIYAH!!!! AND SHE IS PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!

CROSSFIYAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

***

“Sun, I know your entire life sucks really bad right now. And I want nothing more than to make you feel better. So I racked my brain, and it came to me. I should give you a beautiful bouquet of flowers.”

“But I couldn’t find any so here’s an old tomato. It’s stubborn and bitter. Just like you.”

“Well you know what they say – you say tomato, I can only say 토마토!”

Jack: Yeahhh there’s the smile Uncle Jack was waiting for. Feels good. Real good.
Sun: You’re a weird guy, Jack.
Jack: Oh by the way, I just happened to have a Sharpie lying around this deserted island, and I figured you may not be able to talk, but you can still write!

Sun: Finally! I get to speak!! I’ve been waiting all day to say this! Locke – he said he had…
ABC: V!!!!!!!!! STARTING IN 3 MINUTES!!!!!!!!! *hits you over the head with a V-shaped mallet*
Audience: Now I’m just not going to watch that show out of spite.

ANYWAY Sun told Jack that Mocke has Jin, and Jack was all “Do you trust me?” because he must be a big fan of Aladdin, and Sun’s like “Sure why not!” and Jack told her that he swears that he will help her get Jin if she would just come with them to the plane! And then they held hands for a sec because they both haven’t really gotten any in a while and some human contact was nice.

And Jears Man was super soaked stoked that he had drank all that water earlier!!!

***

Speaking of water, Sayid was proving his earlier statement about his hilarious swimming because he was quietly doing the breast stroke while we all laughed our asses off!

And Tina Fey and Neville Longbottom are getting “The Package” out of the sub to bring to the infirmary, and we see who it is, and it’s DESMOND, BROTHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ‘SL;DFKA’L;SDF’LA;SDKFLS

And he’s hanging over the dock, and he’s all disoriented, and he’s like “OCH SAYID! WHA ARE YOO, A BLOODY MERMAID?”

And Sayid, floating on the top of the water like a big Iraqi fish, completely expressionless, just goes, “Merman.

LMFAO!!!!!!

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§ 80 Responses to Lost Recap 6×10: The Package"

  • Clairedelunatic says:

    I was impervious to the clock til it blocked out what Sun had written. Not that it mattered because anyone with an IQ of 72 or higher (mine being 73) could figure out what it said. ABC insisting so much on V makes me either want to go back and watch the episodes and get serious about it, or blindly mock it(my default pos.). I didn’t watch the season premiere because after Lost I’m spent and usually self-medicate to unwind which makes further serious TVifying pointless.

  • BarbaraJay says:

    “Iraqi Eeyore’s snore-nado.” “Sun’s swig.” “Poor man’s Tina Fey and the Hot Pockets of energy.” “Patchy!” “Old White Bald Man Stand Off.”

    “And for the millionth time this episode, someone gives a big monologue to person who CAN’T UNDERSTAND THEM. WHY LOST, WHY!?” lolol!

    Then there’s Jack’s old tomato and convenient Sharpie and the why-didn’t-I-think-of-that English birthday banner!

    PS-Ack, calling Lapidus LaPenis is still funny. I’ll laugh every time.

  • hamburglar says:

    Oh man, Radzinsky could totally be a mercenary and scientist! Loved the “udders”! And the “Oh – it’s already been broughten.” was hilarious! I love Not Another Teen Movie.. I think that’s where that quote is from. :) Loved the Harry Potter references as always!

  • raine says:

    “Whoops dart to your neck!”

    LULZ Sealab. Thank you, Ack, you’ve made my day.

  • founderika says:

    Great recap as usual, Ack! But I do just want to say, living in a foreign country, there are plenty of things here that are written in english and I could easily see an english happy birthday sign at a kids party. I visited a friend at a hospital a few days after she birthed her daughter and the only balloons I saw in the gift shop said “it’s a boy!” or “it’s a girl!” in english.

  • Joanna says:

    Another great recap!

  • Ann says:

    Iraqi Eeyore

    ahahahaha

  • El Otupina says:

    “Those pants don’t make you look fat…”

    My goodness, I literally LOLed))))

  • Breesus says:

    DAMMIT WIDMORE, I’M A GEOPHYSICIST, NOT A SOLDIER!

    lulz!!

  • lorogomo says:

    BORED NOW! =D

  • snoop says:

    As always, your recap is awesomely hilarious. I laughed so much, in fact, that it got rid of a hair-splitting headache I had earlier. *two thumbs up*

    Also; “Where’s my money? You gonna give me my money? Where’s my money, man??”, is that the Stewie and Brian scene from Family Guy? Are you a fan? I’m curious now, what other shows do you watch?

    The Udders?!?!?!!! bit is brilliant, so is the Widmore/Mocke snob British confrontation. I don’t why, but every time you have Mocke saying “Good Day to you sir”, I can’t help but laugh.

    Anyways, thank you. We’re only going to get 7 more of these!

  • Ack says:

    @Snoop yes, that is definitely a Family Guy reference! One of the most ridiculous scenes ever! I’m a huge Family Guy fan. And I watch a ton of other shows. The shows I watch week to week are How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, Chuck, Bones, The Office, 30 Rock, Parks & Recreation, Community, Supernatural, Fringe…what else. Modern Family. Doctor Who. Lots of stuff on Adult Swim. And there are tons more not on right now like Mad Men, True Blood, Dexter, Party Down, It’s Always Sunny. I watch a lot of TV. :D

    Haha I like making Mocke say “Good day to you sir” because I find him very old fashioned and proper, and I feel like he’s always so disgusted by how uncivilized people are these days LOL. When you’re thousands of years old, everyone is a disrespectful whippersnapper.

  • Susan says:

    Bravo! Grade A stuff. Many thanks for some very welcome laughter in this otherwise blech-y day.

  • Zach says:

    I can’t believe no one noticed the Sealab reference yet. Dart in your neck. Awesome

  • snoop says:

    Wow! You watch a lot of shows! With your knowledge, insight and own particular brand of humour, you really should be working for some company like EW. No doubt you can teach them a thing or two about how to entertain an audience, which they can’t seem to do these days..

    I am a huge Family Guy fan too, Peter Griffin could very well be my dad! I love 30 Rock and the Office as well. I’ve really enjoyed Modern Family as of late. House, Chuck, Bones, Fringe, 24, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Dexter, Californication, V, Flashforward, Burn Notice, Caprica and Stargate Universe are also on my watch list. I’m surprised you don’t have neither 24 nor Caprica on your list. You refer to Jack Bauer and cylons a lot :P

    I also catch the occasional Letterman or Conan or astronomy documentary when I’m drunk.

    Overall, TV >> movies imho.

  • Mona L says:

    …cross the road? To get to the other Sayid.

    ==Follow-up==

    Question: Why did the chicken canoe to Hydra Island?

    a) To get the FLocke off the island.

    b) That crazy chick with the wild hair keeps staring and sharpening her knife.

    c) Getting nervous about Hurley’s recurring conversation with the ghost of Mr. Cluck.

    d) The Smoke Monster keeps looking at it square in the beak.

    e) Kate jealous of plump, juicy breasts.

    f) Tired of Sawyer’s nicknames – ‘Nugget’ and ‘Cordon Bleu’.

    g) Biggest chicken on the island, Jack, getting territorial.

    h) Sayid needs a ‘wing’man.

    = = = = = = = = = =

    Answer: h). The chicken, a former member of the Elite Poultry Guard, is proficient in the ancient martial art of Kung Pao.

    ===================
    Seamus & Zoe ?=? Chip & Dip
    - –
    reunion episode soon: Sun finds Jin and shares the tale of her crusade to find him. He doesn’t understand her, as she is speaking an ancient form of North Korean. What little of her dialect he can translate, it informs him that Jack has been raising Ji-Yeon as his own daughter for the past three years. Jin’s hair quickly knots and becomes matted as he wanders off to find the axe and the sharpening stone.

  • Robert says:

    Not big Iraqi fish, but more: zombie turtle.

  • liztish481788 says:

    Ack, I’m basically an uber-stalker of your site…I almost look forward to your recaps as much as the new episodes each week but this is the first time I’ve made myself less creepy and actually commented…but I just have to ask if anyone else, whenever they talk about the Candidates and who will be chosen, thinks of the Beach Day episode of The Office where they’re all competing for Michael’s job?? All I can picture is Jack, Hurley, and Sawyer in sumo-wrestling outfits tackling each other while Jacob looks on and makes Richard take notes and award gold stars.

  • erin says:

    For the record, i deal with aphasia and it is NOTHING like how jack described it. it’s way more like what anders went through near the end of BSG.

    FAIL again dr fail again

  • LithiumRox says:

    First off, I just wanna reassert my previous statement that “gathering mangoes” would be a great euphemism. Its like the new “caught in a net.”

    Also, the “Bored now.” totally made my brain shout “WILLOW!!”

    I kinda want Not!Tina Fey to shoot someone, so that they can shout “I JUST GOT SHOT BE A GEOPHYSICIST!”

    …and your list of shows you watch is nearly as ridiculous as mine. I really need to watch Dexter and Mad Men…

  • Greg says:

    Awesome Recap Ack!!

  • kid entropia says:

    Ack, you know what you could do? After You-know-what happens, you should do an episode title recap special: have the characters summarize the whole show using an episode title everytime they speak. It´s gonna be legen -wait for it- dary! I know, i know: it´ll be no easy task. But it´s your destiny!

  • Unfortunate N00b says:

    Oh Ack, I was dying. Your Sun paraphrasing was totally brill. “AND IF I’M THE UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE JACK TOLD ME I AM” and “Korean, mother******. DO YOU SPEAK IT?”

    I only found your site recently, but I vow to go back and re-read each recap. I can’t believe I’ve been missing out for so long!!

  • Henny says:

    “You’ll get caught up in the crossfire…crossFIRE…CROSSFIRE!!!” Thanks for bringing back some good memories.

  • Lisa M says:

    I hear Desmond answers an age-old question in the next episode. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop(sickle)? All of my money is on “three”.

  • Dani says:

    Romeo&Juliet + Harry Potter = FTW!!!!

  • Rosie says:

    ["And Sun’s like, “YOUR DEAD WIFE TOLD YOU TO!? WELL THE ONLY WAY I’M GOING TO GET MY ALIVE HUSBAND OFF THIS ISLAND IS IF THAT PLANE ISN’T DESTROYED!!! AND IF I’M THE UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE JACK TOLD ME I AM, YOU CAN’T DO SHIT WITHOUT ME, SO YOU CAN ALL KISS MY TINY ASIAN ASS.”"]

    I love it! It’s a pity that Richard couldn’t understand what she was saying.

  • Lockerox says:

    “Tell me where these Hot Pockets are! Now!”
    I also loved the painted-on eye patch. (and for those of you who didn’t recognize him…)

  • Yvonne says:

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    Ziakdra’s article tool

  • Yong says:

    If you are interested in topic: make money driving for
    amazon – you should read about Bucksflooder first

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