LOST TOP 10: Villains

December 14th, 2009 § 26 comments

Last week we counted down the Top 10 Deaths. This week, we count down the villains that were responsible for many of those deaths!

10. Danny Pickett, the Fenrir Greyback of Lost
Villainous acts: Violence. Lots of it.

Danny Pickett was a crazy mofo. Pickett was on that Island for one reason – beating the crap out of people. Namely, Sawyer. Pickett was like a walking ball of testosterone, always ready to snarl and growl and beat someone within an inch of their life. Luckily for those of us who dig the whole Sawyer/Kate thing, Pickett’s actions gave us 2 of the best Skate moments the show’s ever had.

9. Eloise Hawking, the Mommie Dearest of Lost
Villainous acts: Murder, deception, being the world’s worst mother

Sure, she tried to help Jack and Gang get back to The Island, but any woman who mistakenly murders her own time-traveling son in the past and then raises him in the coldest possible way knowing that his life would be cut short by her own gun deserves to be on this list. If you know you’re going to kill your kid, wouldn’t you spoil him rotten until his time was up? And let’s not forget how creepy Eloise was the first time we saw her in Desmond’s flashback.

8. Mikhail “Patchy” Bakunin, the Slimer of Lost
Villainous acts: Violence, murder

Wreaking havoc everywhere he went, Patchy’s presence on this show was a steady stream of explosions, fistfights, foaming at the mouth, and general mayhem. Did he follow Ben’s orders because he felt he should, or was it more that he thought it was kind of hilarious to ruin the Losties’ lives? I suppose we won’t know until he comes back from the dead. (Again.)

7. Christian Shepphard, the Norman Osborn (a.k.a. Green Goblin) of Lost
Villainous acts: Botching surgery while under the influence, child abandonment and/or bad parenting, deception, giving terrible advice to various characters

Without Christian Shepphard, Jack would have no Daddy Issues, Sawyer would have never wrongly shot the guy he thought was the “real” Sawyer, Claire would have never wandered away from her baby that night by the fire, and we would have never gotten that super eerie shot of Zombie!Christian’s back to us under that tree. He was (is?) a weak, drunk, terrible father, but we all know Lost wouldn’t be quite the same without him. After all, who would be Jacob’s creepy messenger?

6. Martin Keamy, the Terminator of Lost
Villainous acts: Murder, violence, general dickery

Unlike most characters on Lost, Keamy only had one side, and it was all bad. Whether he was randomly shooting machine guns into the ocean, murdering and tossing people overboard, blowing up Otherville, roughing up various Losties, or killing Alex, Keamy was like a walking tower of destruction everywhere he went. And like all good bad guys, Keamy had to be killed twice.

5. Ethan Rom, the Travis Bickle of Lost
Villainous acts: Violence, murder, deception, kidnapping, general creepiness

Remember the scene when we first understood that Ethan was one of The Others? He’s standing there staring at Claire and Charlie like a total psychopath, a blank look in his eyes and a half-smile on his face. That scene still gives me goosebumps! He may have only been one of Ben’s foot soldiers, but Ethan lied (“I’m from Canada”), drugged (Juliet and Claire), kidnapped (Claire and Alex), hung (Charlie), knocked people unconscious (Jack and Jin), shot (Locke), and killed (Juliet’s ex, Steve/Scott, etc.) his way onto this list. His father may have been King of the Hippies, but Ethan was anything but peaceful.

4. Charles Widmore, the Michael Corleone of Lost
Villainous acts: Murder, adultery, child abandonment, betrayal, deception

Despite the fact that I’m still convinced that Widmore is secretly a good guy, he makes an awesome villain. I mean, what hasn’t he done? He’s roughed up and killed people, both himself and through his lackies. He abandoned Daniel and Eloise on The Island to have another family (and then treated that family like crap anyway). He’s super rich, a great villain characteristic to have. And let’s not forget how cruel he was to Desmond throughout the years. Plus, his bad guy mojo was upped exponentially when we discovered he was entrenched in a lifelong battle for The Island with his equally nefarious rival, Ben.

3. Smoke Monster, the Great Eye of Lost
Villainous acts: Murder, violence, deception, being really scary

Just like the Great Eye from Lord of the Rings, you get the feeling Smokey’s always watching you, judging you, waiting to strike. Sure, it may not exactly think for itself (or does it?), but that wisp of smoke is strong enough to toss grown men around like rag dolls. Throw in the cool ancient Egyptian stuff, the way it can show you particularly traumatic flashes and your life, that weirdo tch-tch-tch-tch AHHHOOOOOHHHH sound it makes before it strikes, and you’ve got yourself a creature/entity/dinosaur/whatever that you’d never want to cross paths with.

2. Anthony Cooper, the Lex Luthor of Lost
Villainous acts: Conning, murdering, deception, betrayal, maiming, kidney stealing

I’m willing to bet that at some point in his life this asshole broke all 10 commandments within 24 hours. When he wasn’t lying, cheating, conning, stealing, throwing his progeny out of buildings or murdering people, he was out quail hunting with a jaunty beret perched on his head. Cooper made a great villain because he seemed to find all of this grief he caused rather amusing, as if he loved to see just how much he could get away with. Luckily in the end he got what was coming to him.

1. Benjamin Linus, the Hannibal Lecter of Lost
Villainous acts: Mass murder, regular murder, deception, betrayal, kidnapping and imprisonment, violence, baby stealing, mind games

Lost’s number one bad guy is just as complicated as twisty as the show itself. Many of you are going to say that Ben’s not really a villain, but I beg to differ. His intentions may be good on occasion, but Benjamin “We’re the good guys” Linus is eeveeel like the fru-its of the deveeeel! He’s murdered people – lots and LOTS of people both directly and indirectly (RIP Locke, Danielle, Karl, his father, Goodwin, the entire Dharma Initiative, every guy he had Sayid kill post-Island, etc. etc.). He’s lied so often that now we just assume what he says is untrue. He kidnapped Alex, Sawyer, Kate, Jack and god knows how many others (no pun intended). He is the master of mind games, capable of turning people on each other within minutes. He manipulates people not always because he has to, but because it’s fun for him.

Ben gets the number one spot on my list because not only is he evil and conniving, but the man’s got style. He doesn’t just beat people up, he does it with an expandable baton while donning a neckerchief or fabulous fedora. Plus, he loves being a bad guy. He’s full of witty one liners (“Destiny, John, is a fickle bitch”), he can summon Smokey, and I am convinced the man never blinks. Lost just wouldn’t have been the same without Ben, and I for one am glad that he is so deliciously evil…even if, in the end, he turns out to be the “good guy” he claims to be.

Honorable mentions: Tom/Zeke/Mr. Friendly, Abaddon, Jacob (I couldn’t decide if Jacob was evil or actually good…I suppose we shall see)

So that’s my list, who would make yours?

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§ 26 Responses to LOST TOP 10: Villains"

  • Cara says:

    I will grant Ben the #1 spot, but Keemy has definitely earned the #2. Stealing your son’s kidney and pushing him out a window are definitely evil, no doubt about that. I’d call indiscriminately murdering every living human you can find, executing a 16-year-old girl because her dad didn’t give you what you wanted, and rigging up an entire boat full of people to explode when someone rightly kills you way worse, though. And while Ethan freaked me out for a long time, the very thought of Keemy makes me shudder. Keemy is 2, Ethan is 3, Anthony Cooper can be 4. (And while it is indeed tempting to think that Widmore might secretly be a good guy, I’m completely convinced that he’s not — quite simply, because he’s the one who sent Keemy.)

  • Heathir says:

    Literal LOL @ “mass murder, regular murder”

  • GenGen says:

    but if they did go back in time maybe no. 2 is still alive!!! DUN DUN DUUUN eek

  • John says:

    Ben better turn out to be the good guy.

  • Lauren M says:

    I agree with Ben and Anthony but Keamy needed to be further up in my opinion. Guy was a fucking psychopath!

  • Luisa says:

    I agree with Ben being a villain, but if he does’t turn out to be on the “good side” of the “war”, I’ll cry. And then cry more.

  • Sarah says:

    Ben ain’t the villain! He’s just a really tardy protagonist!

  • Ack says:

    You guys are right about Keamy being a total dick, but to me he isn’t as villainous as others because he was basically hired help; a hit man. It’s one thing to blindly kill a bunch of people you don’t know, but to kill a bunch of people you DO know is way worse in my opinion!!

  • Calandra says:

    You know, now that I think of it, I have not once seen Ben blink an eye.

  • Devera says:

    I think it is interesting that each of the villianous acts is something we have seen one or more of our original LOSTies doing…is Pickett’s handling the murder of his wife really worse than what we have some of our LOSTies do?

    I reserve my judgment on best villain lists until after the final episode.

    I liked the Green Goblin comparison, though. I would have thought Norman Osborn due to age, but upon reflection and reading a bit about Harry’s history, your comparison seems better. That is a horrible picture of Christian.

    No Mr. Paik? I’m surprised.

  • Ack says:

    @Devera – You give me too much credit! I actually meant Norman haha.

    And I agree that Pickett’s reaction is on par with other Losties’ reactions, but since we never saw another side to Pickett he will always be a bad guy in our minds.

  • w says:

    Ben would have to take up all 10 spots on my list…and I wouldn’t have it any other way… <3 <3 <3

  • Wifi says:

    I disagree on just one point – Benjamin Linus is not the Hannibal Lecter of Lost, he is the Benjamin Linus of Lost. I can’t think of another villain – indeed, another character – who is able to do evil without malice and good without redemption on the scale that Ben does, making us hate him even when he’s on our side and sympathize with him even when he’s doing something awful.

  • Janice says:

    Your list…good good good.

    And the smoke monster as the Great Eye…perfect.

  • LithiumRox says:

    ooh, great list.
    Ben definitely deserves his #1 spot. I love villains who truly enjoy being evil (*cough*Angelus*cough*)
    I can’t wait to see Patchy coma back again. It’d BETTER happen.

    And I love that both Christian & Charles are on here, because I still believe that those two used to be BFFs. Its the only reasonable explanation =P

  • Hey!T says:

    Your comparison and a Family Guy spoof has given me visions of Smokey looking for its contact lens >_<

    Also, GO BEN! XD

  • kid entropia says:

    Benjamnin “We´re the good guys” Linus! xD Brilliant as usual.
    And, oh, Michael has just been nominated for the Golden Globe!

  • Exception says:

    “Danny Pickett, the Fenrir Greyback of Lost”

    once again, you have made me laugh out loud, at work, while eating my lunch, causing bits of food to spew all over my desk, permanently lowering me in the eyes of my co-workers.

    thanks a lot, Ack. thanks a lot.

  • Lauren M says:

    I just thought of a villian, what about Roger Linus? I mean, he’s partially responsible for Ben becoming the man he is. Who didn’t cringe at that scene in He’s Our You?

  • Carla says:

    Bravo!!!! I love this list.. plus.. I love a bad guy!! Couldn’t Sawyer be on this list.. toying with our emotions??!!! haha!!

  • mmmmm says:

    sawyer is not a bag guy! hes never killed anyone! …well anyone who didnt deserve it.. oh wait. mr.friendly.. well… WHATEVER! IT BARELY COUNTS!

    and while i read number 1-9 i was silently praying that ben would be #1 and then he was there and i screamed “YEEESSSSS!” really loud and recieved strange looks from my family.

    ben totally deserves that spot but in my opinion he isnt a villan completely. hes one of the few ppl that are almost impossible to categorize as good or bad. jacob also fits this genre.

  • [...] is her list of the Top Ten Villains on Lost.  I dare you to try to guess her list before you go there.  I got it wrong simple because I [...]

  • Api says:

    BEN BEN BEN BEN the BEST villain EVERRRRRRR!

    ”Destiny, John, is a fickle bitch”

  • Andrew says:

    Well I have a problem with your description of Christian seeing as it was most likely Easu/Amit/The Smoke Monster and not him that was acting as a messenger(although not for Jacob).

    And for Ethan, besides killing Scott/Steve, he tried to help everyone with what he was doing. Easu should probably be on the list and not Ben as well, but…

  • Jeremiah says:

    Cool list! Clever idea. I love the connections you made with villains in other sources (Hannibal Lecter of LOST, indeed).

    My list. In no discernible order:

    Ben/Henry Gale
    Smokey
    NotLocke/Esau/Man-in-Black
    Radinsky
    Widmore
    Keamy
    Friendly (he took Waaaallllt!)
    Ethan
    Cooper
    Mikhail/Patchy

    Honorable mention: Hawking, Pickett, Kate’s Mom, Jacob (?), Christian, Michael (double homicide), Abaddon.

  • Mass murder, regular murder

    That’s hilarious! and accurate

    Great list.

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