My own personal list of the most OH MY GOD, WHAT THE EFF moments on Lost, to help us get through this ridiculously long hiatus. <\/p>\n
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50. Future Jack and Future Kate engaged: Skaters everywhere cry into their fish biscuit-shaped pillows.<\/p>\n
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49. Carl learns that God loves you as He loved Jacob: We learn that the Lost Writers love A Clockwork Orange as Alex loved his droogs.<\/p>\n
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48. Christian is Michael’s Grim Reaper: The island sent him to tell Michael, “It’s not you, it’s me.”<\/p>\n
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47. Jack scores a touchdown for the Otherville Polar Bears football team; Tom eagerly anticipates the moment Coach Pickett barks “Hit the showers!” and he can finally use his “You can be my<\/i> Tight End” joke.<\/p>\n
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46. Chuck Widmore declares, “That island’s mine, Benjamin.” Benjamin retorts, “Nuh-uhhh!” We all say, “…WHAAAA!?”<\/p>\n
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45. Daniel’s rocket proves there is a curious time delay between the island and the outside world; ordering a pizza must be a nightmare.<\/p>\n
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44. The Tailies Live! And they’re being kidnapped! Via grocery list!<\/p>\n
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43. Keamy kills Alex in cold blood: Ben’s heart grows 3 sizes that day.<\/p>\n
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42. There are two islands: Sawyer never thought he’d long for the safety and comfort of Craphole Island.<\/p>\n
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41. Claire spends some Quality Time with Daddy Shephard in Jacob’s cabin and astral projects herself into Kate’s dreams; kind of like Freddie Kruger, only tiny and blond.<\/p>\n
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40. Locke’s father is the Real Sawyer: “I’ve gone by Anthony Cooper, Adam Seward, Tom Sawyer…but if you’ll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal. I can call you Betty, and Betty when you call me, you can call me Al.”<\/p>\n
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39. The smoke monster grabs Locke: Locke looks into the eye of the island and what he sees is beautiful; the eye of the island looks into Locke and concludes he’s just not that into him.<\/p>\n
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38. What did Man of Science, Man of Faith<\/i> teach us, other than Jack looks awesome with bangs? That dude Jack met on the bleachers is that dude in the Hatch. Brothah.<\/p>\n
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37. Sayid proves Ben isn’t Henry Gale: Ben proves he’s got the worst fake ID since McLovin.<\/p>\n
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36. Future Sayid is working for Future Ben: The benefits package is total shit, but the paid tuition for night classes at the Jack Bauer Institute for Pwnage is pretty sweet.<\/p>\n
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35. Penny answers phone call from mysterious Portugese guys: She was actually surprised when it wasn’t just Ben breathing heavily into the phone.<\/p>\n
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34. Desmond can see tha few-chah and\/or time travel: Crystal ball and\/or Tardis not required.<\/p>\n
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33. Psychic tells Claire she must be the one to raise her baby: Brangelina are disappointed they won’t be getting that Australian kid they were promised.<\/p>\n
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32. Charlie’s trippy visions: Now we know the “H” in Jesus H. Christ stands for Hugo.<\/p>\n
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31. Kate finds The Others’ “Village People” costumes: Apart from Tom’s hat and beard, she found a construction helmet and moustache, cowboy hat and moustache, sailor hat and moustache, cop’s helmet and moustache, and an Indian headdress which, while missing a moustache, included a well-worn loincloth.<\/p>\n
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30. Taller Ghost Walt: Helping fatally injured middle-aged men escape from death pits since 2004!<\/p>\n
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29. A map of the island is hidden on the Hatch’s blast door: Finally, they can find that damn Dharma IHOP they keep hearing about.<\/p>\n
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28. Libby was in the same mental ward as Hurley: She’s currently working through “Baby Steps” by Dr. Leo Marvin.<\/p>\n
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27. Ben kidnapped Alex and raised her as his own: Nancy Grace would have a field day.<\/p>\n
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26. Richard doesn’t age and Patchy can’t be killed: The only plausible explanation at this point? They’re Cylons.<\/p>\n
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25. Ben’s “Magic Box” yields the World’s Biggest Dick: So many “That’s what she said” jokes, so little time.<\/p>\n
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24. Locke’s crazy Boone visions: Theresa falls up the stairs, Theresa falls down the stairs, Lost viewers’ mouths fall open, Lost viewers’ brains leak out of their ears.<\/p>\n
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23. Mr. Eko gets one on one time with Smokey: Of course the security system goes off when the black guy wanders past.<\/p>\n
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22. Ana-Lucia shoots and kills Shannon: There’s a new bitch in town, kids – and we’d all best get used to it.<\/p>\n
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21. Charlie tells Desmond it’s not Penny’s boat: Desmond replies, “A schooner is a sailboat, stupid head!”<\/p>\n
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20. The Others live in a quaint island village: Too bad they can’t order babies along with their collared shirts and khakis from the J. Crew catalog. <\/p>\n
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19. Walt is kidnapped and the raft is blown to smithereens: God<\/strike> Jacob forbid the Others just say “Please.”<\/p>\n
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18. Yemi’s plane crash-landed on the island: That’s what you get when you buy one of Expedia’s Super Discount Tickets.<\/p>\n
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17. If anything goes wrong, Desmond will be Daniel’s Constant: If anything goes right<\/i>, Desmond will be MY<\/i> Constant. <\/p>\n
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16. Michael gets message on Hatch computer: It wasn’t actually Walt, but that guy from To Catch a Predator.<\/i><\/p>\n
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**The Others apparently kidnapped moments 14 and 15**<\/em><\/p>\n 13. The secret Orientation video: Worst. Porn. Ever.<\/p>\n 12. Electromagnetic discharge causes sky to turn purple, our brains to melt.<\/p>\n 11. Locke meets his maker and says, “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” God says, “…oh YEAH<\/i>!?”<\/p>\n 10. Hurley’s numbers are on the Hatch: Jacob knew he shouldn’t have left his PIN number laying around like that.<\/p>\n 9. The 4-toed statue: Apparently Jebediah Springfield was the captain of the Black Rock.<\/p>\n 8. Jacob speaks to Locke: He just flew in from Xenu’s summer bungalow, and boy are his arms tired!<\/p>\n 7. Locke was in a wheelchair!!! And he got thrown out a frickin’ window by his dad!!!!: He obviously wins the Daddy Issues Contest the island is running.<\/p>\n 6. The Hatch lights up: *light goes on*<\/p>\n *DIEZ AND IZ DED* Look, now we know that was just Desmond turning on the light in the hatch, but at the time, I nearly had an aneurysm.<\/p>\n 5. Michael goes on killing spree, murdering Ana-Lucia and Libby, shoots himself, and frees Benry Gale: The Lost writers’ old one-two. Four totally shocking events in a 30-second span that bombarded your brain until it was goo.<\/p>\n 4. Ben moves the island: He would have asked his friends to help him move, but…he doesn’t have any.<\/p>\n 3. Sawyer kills the polar bear: Say it with me kids, O M G W T F POLAR BEAR.<\/p>\n …What, you didn’t hear about the polar bear?<\/p>\n 2. Jack’s flash forward: Fake beard: $50. Denim Jacket: $45. Our reaction when we figured out that bearded mess was FUTURE Jack? PRICELESS.<\/p>\n 1. French transmission: We may know who “they” are, and we may know what “it” was that killed “them,” but that transmission still gives us goosebumps when we hear it, amiright??<\/p>\n So obviously there was no way to list every single WTF Lost moment, but I’d love to know: What would have made your<\/i> list?<\/p>\n You can find all my Lost Recaps HERE<\/a>.<\/p>\n Comments are always lovely, and if you’re here from Livejournal feel free to friend me<\/a>, I don’t bite.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
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\nI’ve done everything you wanted me to do! So why did you do this to me!?<\/i><\/p>\n<\/p>\n
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\nPlease help us. They are all dead. They are dead. It killed them. It killed them all.<\/i><\/p>\n<\/p>\n