\n<\/center><\/p>\n
So first thing we see is another flashback to the crash, and Charlie is like “Sometimes when I’m nervous I stick my fingers in armpits and smell them like this.”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
But then we quickly realized he wasn’t a pitsniffer, he was a drug addict!! And he looked at himself in the mirror and he was like, “No you’re<\/i> the bloody rock god!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Back on the island, the producers were like GRATUITOUS BIKINI SHOT! And all the guys were like “Woot!” And Boone was like “Woot!” even though that was gross because that’s his sister and all.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Then Michael ran up to Sun and he tried to talk to her, but he had interrupted Jin, who was telling Sun all about the finer points of misogyny!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And he was like “A wise man once said ‘GIT R DONE’ and I thought yes, I should git ‘r done. NOW BUTTON YOUR SHIRT, WOMAN!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Trouble was brewing on the other side of the beach between the stereotypical Middle Eastern guy and the stereotypical hick guy!<\/p>\n
Sayid was like “You don’t frighten me, Southern pig-dog! Go and boil your bottom, son of a silly person!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And Sawyer was just like, “I fart in your general direction!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
“I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Then a bit later Hurley was like, “Dude! I love Python!” and Sayid was like “Who is this Python you speak of?” And Hurley was like, “Nevermind, dude.” And Sayid was like, “By the way, this mustache means I fought in Saddam’s army.” And Hurley was like, “…oh.”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
So then the producers were like EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS GRATUITOUS SKIVVIES SHOT and all the guys were like “Woot!” and all the girls were like “Oh good, hot chicks don’t wear matching underwear either.”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
After she had gotten dressed again, Kate wandered over to Jack’s Meditent and asked about the super bloody guy.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She asked Jack if the guy was going to live, and when Jack said he didn’t know Kate was like “WOOOOO!!!!!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And Jack was like “Is there something you want to tell me?” and Kate was like “That bastard sat next to me on the plane and he kept putting his elbow on my armrest and it was just…really annoying, you know?”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
By this point everyone was getting kind of hungry, so Jin took a break from yelling at Sun for a few minutes and offered Hurley some sushi but Hurley said no in the cutest way ever and we were all like HURLEY\/JIN OTP 4 LYFE.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Then Michael proved his top notch parenting skills by not knowing how old his son was! And we were like, “Okay this is kind of weird Y\/N?”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
So Boone sees Shannon crying, and he’s like, “Uhhh are you okay?”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And Shannon is like, “GODDAMMIT BOONE WHY ARE YOU SUCH AN INSENSITIVE PRICK!?” *wails* “I’VE BEEN THROUGH A TRAUMA OKAY?? I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND…” *flails* “I JUST DON’T KNOWWHATTODOI’MSOUPSETIJUSTCAN’TEEEEE!!!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And Boone was like, “She sounds like a teakettle!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
So she overhears some people talking about going for a hike and she’s like “EEEEE I’M COMING!” and they were all like, “Whatever.” and Charlie was like, “Drugs lolz.”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Then we see Sawyer and he’s reading this letter and he looks so distraught and all the ladies were like “…okay maybe he’s not all THAT bad.”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And Shannon is climbing up the side of this mountain, and we’re like, “Wait doesn’t she have asthma?” and she’s like “STFU I only have asthma when it can be used as a plot device, OKAY!? EEEE!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Locke’s on the beach and Walt’s hanging around him and Locke says, “Walt, do you like movies about gladiators?”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And Claire’s hanging out and writing stuff in her journal and she’s like Dear Diary, I wish I had a brother. And bangs. Oh well, maybe someday. Littleton out.<\/i><\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Then she eats some of Jin’s sushi and she’s like “YOU HAVE AWOKEN THE CHILD THAT LIES WITHIN MY WOMB” and Jin was like “This is so inappropriate! I’m going to get cooties now!!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And then Jack asked Hurley to help him with the super bloody guy, but Hurley wanted to make out with him instead.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Meanwhile the excursion up the mountain stops when they all hear an odd noise and we’re like “OMGWTF!!?”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And Sawyer apparently has this gun and he’s like BANG BANG YOU’RE DEAD STICK A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
So then everyone is kind of staring at this thing that Sawyer just shot, and we’re like WHAT IS IT OMG!?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And then they show a little piece of it and we’re all like OMGWTF;LKASJFDLKSDJF;LKJSDKL<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And then we were blessed with the first Lost catchprase! Say it with me kids:<\/p>\n
OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK POLAR BEAR!!!11!!1!ONE!<\/FONT><\/B><\/p>\n So Sayid is like, “Ohhh I am soo surprised, the hick has a gun. Very<\/i> shocking indeed. Psh.”<\/p>\n And Sawyer’s like, “I’m a complex guy, sweetheart.”<\/p>\n And Kate was like, “Will you two stop flirting already?” and then she pretended that she didn’t know how to use a gun!<\/p>\n Then Sayid was like, “I dig music.” And then Charlie yelled, “I’M ON DRUGS!”<\/p>\n And then Sawyer got all up in Kate’s grill and we were like HAWT.<\/p>\n So meanwhile we don’t know whose handcuffs Walt found in the jungle, but then we get this flashback and we see Kate and we’re like, “Oh what a nice girl” and then she drinks some juice and we’re like, “OMFG IS SHE DRINKING GRAPEFUIT JUICE!?” <\/p>\n And then we were like “LOL WAIT IS SHE ALSO WEARING HANDCUFFS!?”<\/p>\n So that’s when we figured out that the bloody guy was actually the US Marshal, and that Kate was his prisoner! And a briefcase hit him in the noggin and it was super disgusting!<\/p>\n And Jack’s trying to get some work done and all of the sudden this bloody hand just comes up out of nowhere!<\/p>\n And this dude with a yamalka is like, “OY VAY, MAKE WITH THE SHIKSA ALREADY!”<\/p>\n And back on the mountain Sayid is messing with the radio and all the sudden they hear from French chick!<\/p>\n And Charlie’s like A;LKDJFLKASJDFLK;JSDFLK;JSADFLKJS<\/p>\n And Sayid’s like HUZZAH AND HURRAH! WE ARE SAVED!<\/p>\n And then Sawyer’s like “I hate to be all Debbie Downer, but what the hell is she saying?”<\/p>\n So Shannon starts trying to translate the message while Sayid figures out how long it’s been playing! Both the translation and how long it’s been playing are potentially problematic!<\/p>\n So the French woman is just like Please help us…it killed them all…I am all alone…<\/i><\/p>\n There’s a man…called Benjamin….he’s very small and elf-like…he’s the leader of a group….the Others…this island used to be used for scientific experiments by a group called the Dharma Initiative…that guy Ethan is one of them…<\/i><\/p>\n …there are hatches all over the island…the Black Rock is an old ship by the caves…you can also find fresh water near the caves…Jack’s tattoos mean that he caught the clap from a hooker in Thailand…Locke’s dad threw him out a window and caused him to be paralyzed….the same man is also the man who was responsible for Sawyer’s parents’ death…the monster is actually a big black cloud of smoke…Lost will continue for 6 seasons…don’t get too attached to Boone…<\/i><\/p>\n But Shannon only understood the very first part because her French sucked balls!!<\/p>\n So then Charlie is just like, “Guys…where are we?”<\/p>\n And Sayid was like, “I think we may be…in purgatory.”<\/p>\n And Charlie was like, “LOL n00b.”<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/lj-cut><\/p>\n