This week on Lost, Sawyer hangs out with Liz Lemon, Kate and Mocke bond over mommy issues, Claire gets bitchslapped, and Detective James Ford gets thrown into some lockers.
Previously on Lost…
You weren’t exactly…
…supposed to see that!
***
When we last left Sawyer he was in that seaside cave with Mocke. Since that ladder had broken I’m guessing Sawyer jumped on Smokey’s back and rode him like a giant magic carpet all the way to the top of that cliff because he’s back on solid land again!
In fact, he’s paying a visit to his buddy Jin, who is quietly sleeping off being mauled by a bear [trap] in Claire’s Lean-to of Lunacy.
“We won’t leave without Sun, although rumor has it she’s a robot now. Just thought you’d like to be prepared.”
“I know…at the very least I can use her for spare parts.”
So then Smokey rolls up with his entourage, and Sayid’s eyes still look as dead as a Kardashian’s, and Claire’s giggling about a joke one of the voices in her head just told.
And Kate’s all, “Look, I know Juliet just died like 3 days ago, and I’m sure that’s been tough, but the audience and I had a talk, and we all think it’s time you and I got back on track.”
Sawyer: Awww shucks.
Lost Writers: I do believe it’s Skate O’Clock.
Sawyer/Kate fans: *tossing confetti*
Sawyer/Juliet fans: *grabbing pitchforks*
Jack/Kate fans: *changing the channel*
***
So now we’ve seen enough of this Sideways World to be wondering if Sawyer will be a New and Improved version of his island self, or if he’ll pull a Sayid and just be the same bad guy he was before the crash.
And he’s laying in bed with some floozy, and we’re all like, “While I appreciate the shirtlessness of this scene, I am disappointed in your actions, Sawyer.”
And then not surprisingly he did the whole “You weren’t supposed to see that” bit, which was even MORE disappointing!! We don’t want Sawyer to be a BAD guy again!
“Look, I have a perfectly reasonable explanation for all this cash, but Ack was too busy staring at my hot bod to actually think of one to write.”
But it didn’t matter what the explanation was! This chick’s husband was a con man, so the jig was up!
Floozy: You can’t con a con man’s wife!
Sawyer: Maybe not, but how much con can a con man con if a con man’s wife cons him?
Floozy: WTF!?
Sawyer (or should I say Jimmy?) explains that – SURPRISE! There is actually a whole van full of cops outside that just listened to them knocking boots!! GROSS!!!
Sawyer: Do you smell bacon?
Floozy: I definitely smell a pork product of some kind…
Sawyer: That’s because we’re surrounded by pigs! This room is tapped!
Floozy: Ew, they…listened to us doing it!?
Sawyer: Yes! And all I have to do is say the magic word and they’ll all come running in here!
Floozy: Well then where are they??
Sawyer: Umm…they might have trouble walking for a minute, is all.
“Just…tell them to think about baseball.”
So after thinking about big chunky man-butts in tight pants for a moment, all the cops come breaking through the door, including Miles!!! Who is Sawyer’s snarky partner! BECAUSE SAWYER IS A COP!!!!! I SMELL SPIN-OFF!!!
They can be the next Starsky and Hutch!! Crockett and Tubbs!! Foley and Rosewood!! Cagney and Lacey!!
In the Criminal Justice System, viewers expect two separate yet equally important partners: the self righteous good cops, who throw their colleagues into lockers, and the sneaky bad cops, who secretly hold personal vendettas. These are their stories.
They are…THE HOT COPS!! *jazz hands*
*DONG DONG*
***
Back on the island, Claire is tidying up her hovel for her guests when Kate gets a peek of the hideous skull baby and has the same reaction we all had!
Kate: This is where you li…UHHH CLAIRE WTF IN GOD’S NAME IS THAT THING!?
Claire: It’s all I had.
Kate: Okay look, when Tom Hanks had that cute little volleyball in Cast Away it was adorable and all…but this is just…fucked up. It’s like, the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen.
At which point Claire decided that she was gonna hafta cut a bitch. Verrry soon.
For someone that just murdered a whole temple full of people, Smokey is awfully understanding about the crappy night his followers had.
“Last night was long and traumatic for many of you. You can call 1-800-IHAVEMOOBS for support, and Sheila from HR will be sending in a grief counselor if anyone would like to set up an appointment.”
“Grief counselor? What happened to all the people we left behind with similarly retarded hair accessories?”
“Well, they’re all dead. The black smoke chewed ’em up, spit ’em out, etc. etc. Downside? All your friends are gone. Upside? Now you guys can see thestrals. Congrats!”
And then Claire, who has got some crazy Man Hands going on, grabs Kate’s hand for some reason, and us/Kate are like “Wot’s all this, then?” but Claire just smiles creepily and wanders away to change Skull Baby’s diaper.
Sawyer: You and me are Outlaws, Kate.
Kate: You’re a Confidence Man, I was Born to Run.
Sawyer: Whatever the Case May Be, I can’t get Left Behind again.
Kate: Look, Whatever Happened, Happened. Just don’t trust Locke okay?
Sawyer: You trusted me as LaFleur. Do you trust me now?
Kate: I Do.
Sawyer: Then it’s Every Man for Himself.
Kate: …Eggtown.
***
We find out that despite the fact that he’s a cop for the LAPD, Sawyer is still looking for Anthony Cooper, who like Keamy, must be an asshole in every dimension! And for whatever reason he’s hiding his research from Miles.
We also find out that Sawyer is single and ready to mingle, reminding us that this is, in fact, a fictional universe in which a person who looks like Josh Holloway is not taken.
Miles sets Sawyer up on a blind date with some chick that works with his DAD!! Which means unless this chick is actually Radzinsky in a wig and falsies, P.F. Chang got off the island as well!
“You’ll love her, she’s a smart and funny Ginger Kid.”
“Well good, I have a thing for freckles.”
Miles seemed a little suspicious of Sawyer’s recent trip to “Palm Springs,” which was of course his trip to Australia and not Palm Springs at all.
Miles told Sawyer that he could tell him anything. What Miles didn’t tell Sawyer was that if he didn’t tell him anything he’d run his credit cards to see where he was last weekend. Because that’s totally…acceptable.
*DONG DONG*
***
“James, there’s something you don’t know about me. I’m a bitch, I’m a lover. I’m a child, I’m a mother. I’m a sinner, I’m a saint…and I’m also a killer cloud of black smoke.”
Sawyer took this news surprisingly well, although he wanted to know how come Mocke killed all the people in the temple when they were really only guilty of wearing stupid Olivia Newton John headbands.
“They think they’re protecting the island from me, but I just want to get the hell outta here. Kill or be killed! It’s Lord of the Flies time, baby!!”
“Hey, that’s my line! And what the hell are we doing here anyway?”
Mocke: You’re gonna go check out the other island, find some dead bodies, fondle a dress in a cage, hang out with Tina Fey and Sam Eagle, and get me some recon.
Audience: lol episode title
Smokey told Sawyer he was sending him for recon duty because Sawyer was the best liar he’d ever met, which had to be a compliment coming from a guy that was currently parading himself around in a man suit!
***
So Sawyer goes out on his blind date with CHARLOTTE STAPLES CENTER of all people!!
Charlotte: Yes, people have likened me to Indiana Jones.
Sawyer: That’s funny, people have likened me to Han Solo.
Charlotte: It’s like Harrison Ford-on-Harrison Ford action.
Sawyer: And my last name is Ford. Coincidence?
Charlotte: I think not.
Charlotte asks Sawyer why he became a cop, and she didn’t buy his “I wanted to be like Steve McQueen” story. Apparently people don’t become cops just because, they have to have deep existential reasons! (Which I’m sure would be the case if I went and asked the next asshole who pulls me over for going 49 mph in a 45 zone why he became a cop.)
But I digress…
Sawyer tells her that at a point in his life he knew he’d either become a criminal or a cop, so he chose to be a cop!
“I shall be telling this with a sigh somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”
*says nothing while loins explode*
So Charlotte does what ANYONE would do on a date with a stud of this caliber – she bangs him immediately!
And she asks to borrow a t-shirt afterward, and he’s all, “Sure, top drawer on the right,” but when she goes in there she finds his super secret Sawyer file!!! For someone who’s so slick with the ladies he totally sucks at hiding super important shit!
So he not-so-nicely asks her to get started on her Walk of Shame a few hours early! Real smooth.
Three snaps around the world to the Lost writers for making Sideways Sawyer a good guy who still carries enough emotional baggage to make him a nightmare for women!! HE IS EVERY FEMALE’S DREAM COME TRUE!!
LET US FIX YOU, BB!!! FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR SHIRT OFF, BTW.
***
On the island, Sawyer’s managed to get himself back to the polar bear cages, and just as Mocke predicted, Kate’s dress is there and ready to fondle!
Memmmorieeeees! Like the corners of myyy miiiiind, misty water-colored memmmmmoriiiessss of the waaay we wereeee…
Which I’m sure pissed off any number of Sawyer/Juliet fans, but seriously WE ONLY HAVE 8 MORE EPISODES LEFT, PEOPLE. If Skate’s ever gonna happen it’s gotta happen soon, right?? I mean, they’ve been building this shit up for 5 YEARS, they can’t leave us hanging…RIGHT??
…right?
***
Anywho, Kate’s hanging out with Sayid and I guess during their midnight walk everyone failed to mention to her that at this point he’s really only the Artist Formerly Known as Sayid because she’s all asking him about Locke and stuff!
AND OUT OF NOWHERE CLAIRE JUST LUNGES AT HER WITH A FREAKING GIANT KNIFE AND SHE’S LIKE, “I’LL CUT YOU BITCH, I’LL CUT YOU!!! I’M GONNA TEAR OFF YOUR SKIN AND WEAR YOU LIKE A SUIT!!!! THEN WE’LL SEE HOW CREEPY YOU THINK MY SKULL BABY IS!!!”
And Sayid just SITS THERE AND WATCHES WITHOUT MOVING AT ALL!!! He’s like a Zombie Eeyore LOL “Ohhh bother.” (He was supposed to alert his bros, ala the Bro Code, obviously)
So Claire is just going BANANAS. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.
And we wonder what in the Sam Hill happened her!!!
Dear Old Claire,
We would like you back now, please. We’ll bring the peanut butter if you’d just come back from Crazytown. This new you is scary and dirty and the opposite of adorable. You used to be adorable, Claire. Please be adorable again.
Love,
The entire audience.
So anyway Mocke literally THROWS her off of Kate and he performs the BITCHSLAP HEARD ROUND THE WORLD!!! LOLOL OMG CLAIRE YOU ARE NUTTIER THAN SQUIRREL POO!!
SMOKEY IS…THE PWNISHER.
“THAT WAS COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. HAPPY SLAPSGIVING. Now sit your ass down and be glad I wasn’t wearing my rings!!!”
***
On Hydra Island, Sawyer stumbles across a giant stinking pile o’ bodies that have been dragged off the beach! Gross!
But then he hears someone running and tackles her, he’s like, “What the hell?? TINA FEY!?”
“Blurg!”
***
Back in Sideways World, Liam is there trying to get Charlie out of jail! And of course he’s at the same precinct as Sawyer because there is only ONE police station in LA, just like Sayid and Jack found out there is only ONE hospital!
And then Miles, who is like a foot shorter than Sawyer, Hulks out and slams him up against some lockers! Because they are cops!! And that’s how they roll!!
Turns out Miles is pissed, but not about Charlotte! He ran Sawyer’s credit cards and he figured out he’d gone to Australia instead of Palm Springs!
“You sound like a jealous girlfriend and I think we’ve made it clear I’m dying ALONE!! This is none of your beeswax!! You’re my coworker, it shouldn’t matter where I go on my free time!!”
“OH, YOU THINK IT DOESN’T MATTER?? FINE!! WE ARE DONE PROFESSIONALLY. AND CONSIDER YOURSELF DUMPED, ASSHOLE!!”
Audience: Hey Sawyer, how much more furrowed can your brow be right now!?
Sawyer: NONE. NONE MORE FURROWED.
So just like Jack, Sawyer smashed a mirror. Only this one could be easily replaced at any Walmart, and not um…MAGICAL.
James Ford’s been talking to the man in the mirror.
He’s been asking him to change his ways.
And no message could have been any clearer.
If he wants to make the world a better place, he’ll take a look at himself and make a frozen dinner and watch some Little House.
*DONG DONG*
***
Meanwhile, Kate’s sitting in a banyan tree crying her eyes out! Which normally I’d make fun of, but this time I think her tears are pretty damn justified! She almost got stabbed to death by the woman she came here to save!
Mocke: Sucks to be you, dude.
Kate: Oh gee, thanks, dead guy.
Mocke: Look, it’s my fault that Claire has gone to the Dark Side. I gave her something to hate when I told her the Others took Aaron. A Jedi’s strength flows from the Force. Anger, fear, aggression. The Dark Side they are. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”
***
So Liz Lemon is asking all these questions about Sawyer’s people – how many of them there are, if they all have guns, if they have any bags of Sabor de Soledad and/or Slankets, etc. and it’s becoming pretty damn clear she’s not who she says she is.
Of course Sawyer’s asking her questions as well, and she tells him she was going to Guam to visit her boyfriend, at which point Sawyer pulls out his gun!!
And she’s like, “So what, you believed I wasn’t lying until I said I had a boyfriend?? Am I that pathetic!? Okay!! That’s a dealbreaker!!” and she whistled and all these armed guys come out of the bushes!
“And for the record, I do have a boyfriend, and his name is Astronaut Mike Dexter!”
***
Kate and Mocke sit down for a heart to heart, and I think a lot of us are starting to wonder when this guy’s going to slip. He always seems to have the right idea about EVERYTHING, amiright?? I mean…I’d totally be on Team Smokey, wouldn’t you?
Anyway he tells Kate that he wasn’t actually a dead guy like she said. And that he had a mother once. Who was crazier than a shithouse rat, apparently. She was so disturbed, and did such a bang-up job of raising him, that Old Smokey is STILL messed up about it!!! And that could have been like EONS ago!!
We even got a hint of Smears!! I’m thinking maybe this woman made Mommy Dearest look like Donna Reed. No wire hangers!!!
So he told her that Aaron’s got a crazy mom now too, and if she doesn’t want the kid to morph into a homocidal cloud of smoke, maybe it’s better if Claire stayed the eff away from him!
And he also suggested he and Kate start a Mommy Issues Anonymous club with Ben because they are such a minority on this island!
***
Sideways Sawyer goes home after his long day of being thrown into lockers, heats himself up a depressing frozen dinner, and kicks back to watch his stories.
And awwww it’s Little House!! And Daddy Ingalls is talking about how the ones we’ve lost aren’t really gone forever, and life is all about laughing and loving and not kicking hot archaeologists out of our beds at 3 in the morning!
So naturally Sawyer grabs a big sunflower, a 6-pack, and his best puppy dog eyes and heads over to Charlotte’s to see if she wouldn’t mind seizing the day with him. But she SO isn’t having it!!
And showing MUCH more self-control than I ever could, she turns him down!! I mean Charlotte, HE HAD BEER!! And a FLOWER!
(Hopefully it’s because a certain tie-wearing physicist was there on the other side of the door, eh??)
***
So Tina Fey and that guy who everyone recognized from one old TV show or another take Sawyer to parlay with their leader, who is of course Chuck Widmore, hanging out in his nefarious submarine!
And there’s some locked door on the sub that’s being guarded by a guy! What’s in there?? Is someone trapped in the closet?? Desmond? R. Kelly? A vanishing cabinet? What!?
We don’t get to find out because Sawyer is ushered into Widmore’s office/evil lair, and they strike a deal – if Widmore agrees to let everyone on Team Sawyer go free, Sawyer will give him Smokey on a silver platter. Easy peasy, right?
Except for the part where Sawyer is lying through his beautifully capped teeth!
***
And then Claire walks up to Kate and like, apologizes to her and hugs her!! Mocke’s tough love must have knocked something loose under that wig of hers because she managed to not try and stab Kate in the neck or anything!
Claire: I don’t see you crying, robot! You taste these tears! Taste my happy, Kate! TASTE IT!!!
Kate: Tastes kind of like sad.
***
Sawyer: So then I says to the guy, I says “I’ll give you Smokey on a silver platter!”
Mocke: Ha! And he bought it!?
Sawyer: Oh, he bought it.
Mocke: Well good work, James. Don’t worry, I won’t double-cross you.
Sawyer: And I won’t double-cross you.
Mocke: Just as long as you don’t double-cross me!
Sawyer: Ha ha, I wooon’t!
Mocke: *wink*
Sawyer: *wink*
Then Sawyer went to find Kate and explain to her about how he’s totally going to double-cross Mocke AND Widmore!
***
In Sideways World, Sawyer decides that he’s gotta make up with Miles because his life is just too pathetic when Michael Landon’s his only friend! This time he skips the flower and the beer and brings the ever-important Sawyer folder!
So he explains about how his parents died when he was little, and how it’s this guy Anthony Cooper’s fault, and that’s why he was in Australia!
“And when I find him, I’m gonna kill him. All slow like.”
“You know…I think you’ve got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance.”
But before Miles could finish his psychoanalysis, this car SLAMS into them!!! And someone jumps out and starts running away, and we’re all like “Baseball cap? Running? MUST BE KATE!”
Which of course it is! And Sawyer’s all son-of-a-bitching about her because this was that chick that he helped escape airport security the other day!! Which makes no sense now that we know he’s a cop, but WHATEVER!
Sawyer: You have the right to remain sexy! I MEAN SILENT.
Kate: FRISK ME, DADDY.
***
“So I told Mocke that I’d help him attack Widmore, and I told Widmore I’d help him attack Mocke. Mocke thinks I’m going to fly that plane off the island with him.”
“But how can we fly a plane off the island, none of us know how to fly!”
Sawyer: That’s why we’re takin’ that sub, Freckles.
Kate: But we don’t know how to pilot one of those either.
Sawyer: …
Kate: ?
Sawyer: Damn.
WHO or WHAT is locked in Widmore’s sub?
HOW crazy was Smokey’s mom?
WILL we get to see Richard in chains on Tuesday?
FIND OUT! ON NEXT WEEK’S LOST!!
*bwoooong*
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by ack_: Recon #Lost recap posted!! http://bit.ly/axXcbf…
Sawyer: You and me are Outlaws, Kate.
Kate: You’re a Confidence Man, I was Born to Run.
Sawyer: Whatever the Case May Be, I can’t get Left Behind again.
Kate: Look, Whatever Happened, Happened. Just don’t trust Locke okay?
Sawyer: You trusted me as LaFleur. Do you trust me now?
Kate: I Do.
Sawyer: Then it’s Every Man for Himself.
Kate: …Eggtown.
LMAO! That was beautiful, great recap! I also enjoyed your thestral comment because I’m actually watching the order of the phenoix right now.
IF NEXT WEEK DOESN’T HAVE RICHARD IN A SILLY HAT, AN OPPORTUNITY WILL HAVE BEEN MISSED.
“Which I’m sure pissed off any number of Sawyer/Juliet fans, but seriously WE ONLY HAVE 8 MORE EPISODES LEFT, PEOPLE. If Skate’s ever gonna happen it’s gotta happen soon, right?? I mean, they’ve been building this shit up for 5 YEARS, they can’t leave us hanging…RIGHT??”
Hell to the fucking yes.
@silverdragon76
Yes!! haha
I would “like” this recap if this site was facebook.
The Artist Formerly Known as Sayid! LMFAO!!!
Great recap, as always. Love ya!
(and by “yes” I mean “no” as in “no they can’t leave us hanging”. Writing while zoning on cold meds ftl.)
Sawyer: You and me are Outlaws, Kate.
Kate: You’re a Confidence Man, I was Born to Run.
Sawyer: Whatever the Case May Be, I can’t get Left Behind again.
Kate: Look, Whatever Happened, Happened. Just don’t trust Locke okay?
Sawyer: You trusted me as LaFleur. Do you trust me now?
Kate: I Do.
Sawyer: Then it’s Every Man for Himself.
Kate: …Eggtown.
That was classic!
@Devon – it is on Facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Ack-Attack/79731647569?ref=mf
I was laughing so hard I woke up my husband. It was a “hint of smears” that did it. Things went down hill from there. Great recap.
“James, there’s something you don’t know about me. I’m a bitch, I’m a lover. I’m a child, I’m a mother. I’m a sinner, I’m a saint…and I’m also a killer cloud of black smoke.â€
I’m DYING here, lmao. Absolutely brilliant.
LOVED the Spinal Tap reference.
Was looking forward to this all day! Knew it would be good because it was a Sawyer episode!!
“Look, I know Juliet just died like 3 days ago, and I’m sure that’s been tough, but the audience and I had a talk, and we all think it’s time you and I got back on track.â€
Kate, you’re so smart!
Okay I actually stopped scrolling and clapped at the Episode Titles Conversation. That was awesome.
“Well, they’re all dead. The black smoke chewed ‘em up, spit ‘em out, etc. etc. Downside? All your friends are gone. Upside? Now you guys can see thestrals. Congrats!†ROFLMAO XD
Best recap of the season, Missus.
@Ack
Ha! Yes, right after I posted that comment I went to facebook and liked it. ;)
Loved this:
Three snaps around the world to the Lost writers for making Sideways Sawyer a good guy who still carries enough emotional baggage to make him a nightmare for women!! HE IS EVERY FEMALE’S DREAM COME TRUE!!
LET US FIX YOU, BB!!! FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR SHIRT OFF, BTW.
I don’t really give a damn about shipping (at least, not the Sawyer/Kate/Jack/Whatever/Whoever shipping), but honestly? If Skate happens (and not in like, the faaar future or whatever) I will lose all respect for Sawyer and whatever I had left for Kate.
JULIET. JUST. DIED.
They lived together FOR YEARS. He was going to ask her to MARRY HIM.
It’s just disgusting to think of Skate happening so soon after her death, and will probably ruin Sawyer as a character for me (like I said, unless it happens far int he future or whatever; who knows how the show will end?)
Anyway, funny recap as always. Loved the episode title part. :)
“…Eggtown.”
FINALLY. SAWYER. SHIRTLESS.
asdhjfadl;hfdskljhdfskljadfskl;jdfskl;j
Although remember the whole Juliet dying and saying something about coffee and how we thought she was talking to him in sideways world? Is that gonna be addressed sometime? I totally thought she’d end up being the date. :(
“And for the record, I do have a boyfriend, and his name is Astronaut Mike Dexter!â€
Perfection Ack. Perfection.
“Upside? Now you guys can see thestrals.”
OMGGG- I love youuuu, Ack! xD (And so have been watching the ABC Family Harry Potter marathon all weekend, and am doubly happy.) I think this is my favorite recap so far this season!
I literally LOLed at “NONE. NONE MORE FURROWED.”
I’ll be very disappointed if there’s ever an episode in the (sob – sadly few) remaining episodes that doesn’t have a character say the episode title, because then you can’t work in this line:
Audience: lol episode title
And I loved your Sawyer/Kate conversation that was almost exclusively old episode titles. Awesome.
I also laughed so hard at “HAPPY SLAPSGIVING.” and all the blerg/sabor de soledad/slankets/dealbreaker/Astronaut Mike Dexter and especially “NONE. NONE MORE FURROWED.”
Excellent recap! Several laugh out loud moments there – especially the episode titles, Sawyer pulling the gun only when Tina Fey said she had a boyfriend, and also:
Sawyer: You have the right to remain sexy! I MEAN SILENT.
Kate: FRISK ME, DADDY.
Perfect! Also enjoyed the Man in the Mirror reference, and Skate O’Clock. So much goodness!
The Sawyer and Kate episode titles exchange was hilarious! As many others seem to agree!
Now you guys can see thestrals!!! OMMMMGGG!!!
DONG DONG
LET US FIX YOU, BB!!! FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR SHIRT OFF, BTW
He’s like a Zombie Eeyore LOL “Ohhh bother.â€
Love,love, love this recap!!!!!
The Meredith Brooks reference was freaking funny!
…and this:
Sawyer: We´re not taking the plane, we’re taking the sub!
Kate: But we don’t know how to pilot one of those either.
Sawyer: …
Kate: ?
Sawyer: Damn.
Grrrreat!
Ack, you rule! So many brilliant moments but I laughed out loud at this one:
“Last night was long and traumatic for many of you. You can call 1-800-IHAVEMOOBS for support, and Sheila from HR will be sending in a grief counselor if anyone would like to set up an appointment.â€
More proof that my life is “Lost”: Sheila is the name of the HR person at my work! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
“The artist formally known as Sayid.” A new phrase has been coined. Kudos.
“….Eggtown.” LMAO
“NONE. NONE MORE FURROWED.” hahahahahha great recon recap.
Eggcellent recap! and the bitchslap gif was like omg, so horrible but can’t. look. away. Get that girl some peanut butter, STAT
waiting for someone to nuke a baked ham tv dinner?!
loins explode worldwide!
OMG THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!!!
—–
Best bits:
Sawyer: You and me are Outlaws, Kate.
Kate: You’re a Confidence Man, I was Born to Run.
Sawyer: Whatever the Case May Be, I can’t get Left Behind again.
Kate: Look, Whatever Happened, Happened. Just don’t trust Locke okay?
Sawyer: You trusted me as LaFleur. Do you trust me now?
Kate: I Do.
Sawyer: Then it’s Every Man for Himself.
Kate: …Eggtown.
“James, there’s something you don’t know about me. I’m a bitch, I’m a lover. I’m a child, I’m a mother. I’m a sinner, I’m a saint…and I’m also a killer cloud of black smoke.â€
Sawyer: That’s why we’re takin’ that sub, Freckles.
Kate: But we don’t know how to pilot one of those either.
Sawyer: …
Kate: ?
Sawyer: Damn.
AND OUT OF NOWHERE CLAIRE JUST LUNGES AT HER WITH A FREAKING GIANT KNIFE AND SHE’S LIKE, “I’LL CUT YOU BITCH, I’LL CUT YOU!!! I’M GONNA TEAR OFF YOUR SKIN AND WEAR YOU LIKE A SUIT!!!! THEN WE’LL SEE HOW CREEPY YOU THINK MY SKULL BABY IS!!!â€
I think that’s how I’m going to respond to awkward silences now…. Eggtown.
Easily one of your best works. As a big fan of 30 Rock, I loved the whole Sawyer – Liz Lemon exchange. Psycho Claire is awesome, I don’t want her to go back to her normal self, particularly when we’re getting lines like “I’LL CUT YOU BITCH…”.
Since that ladder had broken I’m guessing Sawyer jumped on Smokey’s back and rode him like a giant magic carpet all the way to the top of that cliff because he’s back on solid land again!
Sawyer = Aladdin ? Or maybe Sawyer really enjoys *riding carpet* ?
Lost Writers: I do believe it’s Skate O’Clock.
Sawyer/Kate fans: *tossing confetti*
Sawyer/Juliet fans: *grabbing pitchforks*
Jack/Kate fans: *changing the channel*
Everybody else: *Start yawn* heh? *end yawn*
Also, SMOKEY IS…THE PWNISHER. and he cries smears. Hehehe, that’s too hilarious.
*DONG DONG*
Perfect recap, really i especially loved the part with all those episode titles!
Oh, and tht bitch-slap gif, priceless!
I wait for your recap as much as I wait for the actual episode. ;)
Very funny recap. Loved it. :)
BTW, count me in the “Say no to Skate” camp! That would be totally, totally wrong!!!!!
Thank you – perfection indeed.
LOL Moments:
Claire’s giggling about a joke one of the voices in her head just told
Floozy: You can’t con a con man’s wife!
Sawyer: Maybe not, but how much con can a con man con if a con man’s wife cons him?
Floozy: WTF!?
In the Criminal Justice System, viewers expect two separate yet equally important partners: the self righteous good cops, who throw their colleagues into lockers, and the sneaky bad cops, who secretly hold personal vendettas. These are their stories.
Audience: Hey Sawyer, how much more furrowed can your brow be right now!?
Sawyer: NONE. NONE MORE FURROWED.
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this.â€
Rachel, thank you! That was brilliant! I cant even post my favorite parts because ZOMG they are too many!! LOVE LOVE the gif about Mocke slapping Claire XD
Great Job as usual! It would be awesome if the writers would read your recaps, they’d laugh their ass off for sure.
@Allison… oh Joy, I’m sure Darlton can’t live without your respect for Sawyer “and what’s left for Kate”. LOL LOL Go ahead and lose all your respect, I’m sure they’ll live with it. And obviously..you are no shipper, that’s why you had to remind us for how long Sawyer and Juliet dated/lived together/were about to get marry ROTFL.
great recap ! the whole thing ftw !!
“eggtown” did we ever figure out what that means ?
*man hands * :)
@Melissa LOL I think all women named Sheila need to work for HR!!!
@hlp They have managed to put the episode title into every episode forever, that’s why I started doing it haha! I’d be sad if they didn’t have it happen. I’d have to figure out a way to do it anyway.
This is probably my favourite recap ever! Well done!
The thestral comment killed me…
@Demy: There’s really no need to be rude, I was simply stating my own personal opinion, so there’s really no need to overreact. :)
That’s why I don’t enjoy shipping; people get so sensitive about it and fights break out way too easily. x)
I know, I know. Welcome to the internet, right?
Oh, I forgot the thestral part. I laughed at that especially as I’d been watching the Harry Potter marathon… Wonderful timing! xD
Oh wow, your references never cease to amaze me, it started out as a Law & Order reference, and then somehow ended up as a Arrested Development reference? Too brilliant.
And I love playing the “Who’s gonna show up next??” game with Sideways-land. I figured his date would end up being either Juliet or Charlotte. lol. I’m just waiting for Widmore to show up in sidewaysland.
(Also, I have some very depressing news. I have an important meeting to go to that JUST HAPPENED to get scheduled for 9 pm tomorrow. So I’m gonna miss the RICHARD episode!! Richard’s like my favorite character who’s still alive! I literally jumped up & cheered when I saw we were FINALLY gonna get a Richard episode! AND NOW I’M GONNA MISS IT. …ok. I’ll calm down now.)
(Hopefully it’s because a certain tie-wearing physicist was there on the other side of the door, eh??)
LET US HOPE SO, OMG.
HAHAHA, The PWNISHER. And Claire is B-A-N-A-N-A-S! And the Man in the Mirror reference!! Retarded hair accessories! SMEARS!
EPIC RECAP, I’m like dying.
Skate can happen, but it’s been like three days. Maybe a couple episodes from now I’d be cool with it, but now it seems a bit soon. But if it happens I won’t be that upset. As long as Faraday comes back and we can see Charlie one more time, I’ll be kk with whatever they do to the quadrangle, which is pretty much just Skate now anyway.
I actually don’t understand the whole Sawyer attraction. My thing was always with Daniel lol.
Ack, this is hands down your best recap EVAR! you had me IRL lolling about every three inches. Please lost writers, PLEASE!, let it be R. Kelly in that closet! If we’re not going to have aliens as the answer, R Kelly may be the most logical explanation!
Awesome Recap Ack!!
Happy Slapsgiving! The bitchslap heard around the world lol
Richard Episode tomorrow! It’s going to be amazing!
Loved this
“In Sideways World, Sawyer decides that he’s gotta make up with Miles because his life is just too pathetic when Michael Landon’s his only friend! This time he skips the flower and the beer and brings the ever-important Sawyer folder!”
Loved the HIYM, The Mighty Boosh and all the 30 Rock references. (intentional or not)
I’m going to miss these recaps more than the actual show.
Does that make Sayid the Slap Bet Commissioner? By my count Claire’s still got 4 coming.
where can i find my “Say no to Skate” merchandise?
oh Ack very Happy Slapsgiving to you!!